Episode 183 - Emotional Hijacking and Toxic People

Emotional States: Understanding Feelings and Moods

Charismatic people know there is a fine line between logic and emotion.  To influence someone you have to have both.  Emotion will override logic every time.  I am going to assume here (I know I shouldn’t do that) you have the ability to form a logical argument.  Emotion is the missing piece for most people that want to become more charismatic.  Very few really know how emotional states, feelings, subconscious triggers and moods affect other people and affect (good and bad) your ability to maintain charisma and influence.  

 Logic tends to be more temporary while emotion will carry your message into the future.  Emotion inspires us to take action, but logic justifies those actions.  We know it is difficult for most people to distinguish between logic and emotion.  We know that is difficult to identify many of the emotions that are felt throughout a day.  We know people can’t forecast what emotions they will feel, how long they will feel it and how strong the emotion will be.  Most people just sense if you or your message makes them feel good or feel bad.  Your goal is to change or maintain their emotional state or mood.

These are the emotions that will detract from your charisma and decrease your ability to influence.

 Anger

Anger is a sign that something is out of line.   Anger is also known as a secondary emotion.  What they are angry about and really angry about are usually two different things.  You can help decrease a person’s anger by finding out the main reason they are upset.  It is also useful to ask for their help, opinions, or advice.  This will usually diffuse their anger or even help change their demeanor.  Sometimes the person doing the influencing may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction.

 Worry

When someone is worried or preoccupied with something occurring now or could happen in the future, your ability to change their mood or influence them declines.  Worry could cause you to feel nervous, uneasy or anxious.  Worry can be referred to as a negative vision of the future.  Help them by bringing them back to reality.  Worry will subside when you can substitute their negative images with positive ones.  Another way worry decline is when you help them make a decision.  Worry decreases with decisions.

 Fear

Fear is anxiety or tension caused by danger or apprehension.  The possibility of harm can be real, but it is usually an overactive imagination.  Fear motivates us and moves us away from perceived unpleasant circumstances or certain danger.  Logic rarely reduces fear.  The key to understanding fear is to realize that is has been learned from a past experience.  Remember that fear is very real to them.  Make sure when they are in fear that you can provide a solution for them.  Then your job as a great influencer is to help them feel capable of overcoming this fear.