Join us on this great interview with Dr. Ben Voyer.  We are going to talk about:

How persuasion has changed

Biggest persuasion blunder

Loss avoidance

Power and relationships

Influential nature of stories

Professor Voyer is Loreal Professor of Creativity Marketing ESCP Europe, and visiting fellow London School of Economics. Professor Voyer is a behavioural scientist that has investigated how self-perception and interpersonal relations affect cognition. He has authored & co-authored more than 150 scientific contributions to the field of applied psychology. He has appeared on CNBC, CNN, The Washington Post, The Economist, BBC, Financial Times, BusinessWeek and The Economist. 

Objection Obstacles

All excuses and objections can be boiled down one or more of these seven potential objections:

Once you understand that all objections stem from one or more of these seven key areas, you will have a much easier time identifying the root of your audience's discomfort. You will then be able to address their objections in a professional, caring, and non-threatening way. Many persuaders (without realizing it) show tension, uneasiness, or irritation when someone brings up an objection. Usually this unrealized conduct occurs because objection stirs up the persuader's own insecurities (often fear of failure or fear of rejection). The persuader thinks to him or herself, “Didn't I go over that already? I'm doing a good job explaining things! Why is this person still not convinced? Why am I bombing this persuasive encounter? Do I sound like an idiot?” As understandable as this reaction is, it will only makes things worse. Your audience will sense your uneasiness and feel even more uncomfortable. Don't set off more alarm bells than are already ringing!

Blueprint to Business is the ultimate guide to becoming a successful entrepreneur. Bestselling author and CEO Mike Alden puts aside the rainbows and sunshine, gets real about what it takes to 'make it,' and gives you the real-world guidance you need to hear. Through anecdotes and advice, he shares his experiences along with those of other top founders and entrepreneurs to give you a realistic picture of what it takes to build a business. It's a bit of tough love, a healthy dose of reality, and a tremendously motivating guide to striking out on your own; from motivation and commitment to business licenses and the IRS, this guide is your personal handbook for the biggest adventure of your career.

 So you want to start a business: how much are you willing to commit in terms of time, money, and energy? How do you plan to bring in customers? What will set you apart from the crowd? What will convince clients to come to you rather than your competitor with an established track record? These questions must be answered before you even begin planning—and then, you have to make that canyon-sized leap from planning to doing. This book guides you through the early stages with practical advice from a real-world perspective.

For more information about Mike and his work visit: thealdenreport.com

Inside the World of Objections and Concerns

 When you become a great persuader, you will view objections differently than most people do. You will even welcome objections and enjoy handling them. Why? You will realize that when people voice objections, it indicates that they are both mentally interested and emotionally involved in whatever it is you are proposing, even if they are skeptical.

 Interested and involved—what more could a persuader want from their audience? It may be surprising, but when there are no objections during the persuasion process, the persuader's success rate actually drops dramatically.  It is much better to get objections out in the open than to let them fester.

 Top persuaders do not consider objections or audience concerns as opposition. Rather, they view them as part of the persuasion game. Your audience will naturally delay as long as possible the moment of decision—the moment they need to say yes or no. This stalling can be used to your benefit. Dialogue and exchange of ideas can create a long-term follower, client, or customer.

 Great persuaders may even solve objections before they are voiced. No matter how good you get, objections will be raised, and the truth is that well-handled objections help you persuade. Your persuasiveness depends a lot on how you handle objections and concerns, and you can handle them best if you know what the most common objections are. There are thousands of excuses.   

 Many persuaders (without realizing it) show tension, uneasiness, or irritation when someone brings up an objection. Usually, this unrealized conduct occurs because objection stirs up the persuader's own insecurities (often fear of failure or fear of rejection).

 The persuader thinks to him or herself, “Didn't I go over that already? I'm doing a good job explaining things! Why is this person still not convinced? Why am I bombing this persuasive encounter? Do I sound like an idiot?” As understandable as this reaction is, it will only makes things worse. Your audience will sense your uneasiness and feel even more uncomfortable. Don't set off more alarm bells than are already ringing!

 A calm, natural demeanor opens the door to persuasion and will keep it open in the face of objections. Remember: your audience cannot feel at ease if you don't. They cannot feel relaxed if you aren't. They won't be enthusiastic if you aren't showing enthusiasm yourself. In a very real way, you must create what you want them to feel.

These oxytocin genes may influence number of friends

You may be as friendly as your genes

 

Charisma is influence.  In other words, getting others to do what you want them to do and like doing it.  People get uneasy when you talk about influence, but just like power, it is neutral.  Some feel it can’t be learned, others get uneasy that it might get misused and some pretend it is not that important.   Charisma and influence go hand in hand.  It can be used with your leadership, your company, your children and even for making the world a better place.  Influence can get people to accept your ideas, brings people together and helps change stick.  I am not talking about selling skills.  I am talking about long-term sustainable change that people want to implement.  There is a direct correlation between your ability to influence, your charisma and your income.

The challenge is most people influence the wrong way.  You tend to influence how you like to be influence and that is completely wrong.  You need to adapt to the person and to the situation.  Most influence happens with subconscious triggers (see the subconscious section).  Everything you do, everything you say or how you make them feel will affect how your audience feels about you.  You are repelling people and you don't even know it. When people sense a hint of force, deception, hype, or selling underlying any of your influence attempts, you will lose your charisma.

Audiences are tough.  People have built a lot of resistance to the old style of persuading and influence; many people have built a brick wall of resistance even before you've even meet them.  What can you do to overcome this tendency?  Your influence attempts must be nonthreatening and natural.  Forget loud and flashy.  That strategy only encourages more resistance.  And most definitely forget about high pressure.  Not only does that solidify resistance, it closes the door to influence.  When people feel they have been pressured, bullied, or coerced into doing something they don't need or want, they become rebellious and resentful.

The Benefits of Laughter

Negotiation: Face-to-Face, by Phone or via E-mail

In our age of ever-expanding communication possibilities, researchers have been drawn to answer the question of which communication mode is most likely to lend itself to successful negotiation. Their answer? It depends.

 Face-to-face communication is more likely to alleviate any possibility of miscommunication or deception. When you’re actually there, in person, you are more apt to pick up all the nuances of the exchange. That way, you will be better able to gauge what the other party is thinking and to determine the direction in which the negotiating is headed.

For the same reasons, it is also easier to create and maintain rapport. If there is already a fair amount of tension in the air, however, negotiating by phone can take the edge off, can provide breathing room and can minimize the effectiveness of any pressure tactics that may have been employed. E-mail’s main advantage is that both parties have control over saying exactly what they want to say and how they want to say it.

 Since there is no ebb and flow to live conversation, the involved parties can keep the floor as long as they want. On the flip side, e-mailing can tend to make the negotiating parties less restrained and more impulsive in their communication. This rashness isn’t always a bad thing, but it definitely can be if tensions exist. One study found that abrupt and unmannerly exchanges occurred 102 times when negotiating via e-mail as opposed to only 12 times when negotiating face-to-face.  

Influence University

 

Reduce to the Ridiculousness (JND): This technique involves paring down your request to something that seems manageable, easier to comprehend or easier to monetize. Let's say you are trying to convince someone to purchase a life insurance policy. The client wants a $250,000 policy and you feel that is not high enough for his needs. To adequately take care of his family, you suggest a $500,000 policy. His perception is that the monthly payment for a $500,000 policy is too high. So you break it down for him, telling him that for an extra 50 cents a day, or the cost of a can of soda, he can insure himself and adequately take care of his family if something were to happen to him. With this contrast, your client can see that the extra 50 cents is worth it to have the extra $250,000 in coverage. You have reframed your request into simple terms to help your prospect see it fitting into his way of life. If you are getting resistance from coworkers to participate in a new project, you could say we are only looking for your help for 10 minutes a day or 45 minutes a week.

 Many times, we can fly under the radar with the contrast principle. There is a theory called the "Just Noticeable Difference" (JND),  which means the minimum amount of difference in the intensity of the stimulus that can be detected. That means the minimal amount of change the brain can handle before it begins to notice.  What does this mean? How much can you raise the price of a product without anyone noticing? This is also true for taste. Companies want the best taste for the lowest cost. The quality of the ingredients causes people to notice or not notice the quality of the product.

 Many marketers would rather change the packaging and offer less of their product than resort to charging more. When we don't notice the difference, we think we are getting the same deal. Watching a sunset would be below the JND.  We really can’t see the sun move down the horizon as we watch it. When you raise the price of a product, you don’t want anyone to notice. Gas prices going up another ten cents is not noticed unless it breaks the dollar threshold i.e. $4.00-$5.00.  Is the yogurt cup now 2.9 ounces or 3 ounces?  We don’t notice especially since the cup size has not changed, but the bottom of the cup is more concave.   

3 Negotiation Techniques from Harvard Business Review

 

REVISED OFFER

"Door-in-the-face" is one of the most common techniques for implementing the Law of Contrast. Basically, an initially large and almost unreasonable request is made, likely to be declined—hence the "door slammed-in-the-face" as the prospect rejects the proposal. Then a second smaller and more reasonable request is made. People accept the second request more readily than if they'd just been asked outright because the contrast between the two requests makes the second one seems so much better. The technique is effective because social standards state each concession must be exchanged with another concession. When you allow a rejection, it is considered a concession. The person you are persuading will then feel obligated to agree with your smaller request.  The reason DITF is so effective is because society and the Law of Obligation direct us that each concession must be given a concession.  When you give them a concession they will be more inclined to give you a concession.

Demonstrating this point, researchers first asked college students to donate blood every two months for three consecutive years. Requiring a long-term commitment of not only time, but also of physical and emotional responsibility, the request was overwhelmingly turned down. The next day, the same students were asked to donate blood just one time, 49 percent agreed. The control group, where the students were only approached with the second request, (will you donate today) only demonstrated a 31 percent compliance rate.

The main reason the door-in-the-face technique is so effective is because the contrast between the two requests makes your prospects feel like they are getting more/or less than if you didn’t adjust their perceptions. They feel like they've made a fair compromise, while you get exactly what you wanted in the first place. 

Article: Smelling your food makes you fat

OFFER:http://healthepain.com/

Never fight on price.  Price in not the issue – you are the issue.  Only 6% of things are bought on price. Anybody can fight on price.  Let’s learn 14 techniques to make price a non-issue.

 "Price is what you pay. Value is what you get."  Warren Buffett

 This is all about human perception. The human mind has to find a benchmark or comparison to make judgments, especially when we are talking about unfamiliar situations or new products. People need to make comparisons with their past experience and knowledge. 

The brain will always attempt to contrast your product or service. Is it the best or worst, cheapest or most expensive? Is your product the safe or risky choice or is it familiar or strange?

By presenting your prospects with contrast, you are creating those comparisons for them. The mind can't process everything at once and so it develops shortcuts to help make decisions. Instead of making a completely internal judgment, we look for boundaries, patterns, and polar opposites. 

We want to know the difference between our options, so we naturally contrast the two items. We mentally create a value or price in our mind from highest to lowest.

Do you want your prospects to compare your product or service to a second-hand used car or to a Rolls Royce? You get to decide where you want them to start their benchmark.

 

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Verbal Packaging & The Leverage of Language

The more skillful a person is in the use of language, the more persuasive they will be. People are persuaded by us based on the words we use. Words affect our perceptions, our attitudes, our beliefs, and our emotions. The words we use in the persuasion process make all the difference in the world. Language used incorrectly will trigger the wrong response and decrease your ability to persuade.

Word skills are also directly related to earning power. Successful people all share a common ability to use language in ways that evoke vivid thoughts, feelings, and actions in their audiences.  Carl Jung revealed that all words are full of symbols and each symbol triggers an emotional reaction or feeling.  All words have emotional meanings that are different than their definitions in the dictionary.  Understanding words and their emotional triggers will enhance your ability to persuade and influence.

Word Choice  ---

Article link: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/news/scary-real-in-flight-announcements/

Understand that proper language varies from setting to setting, and from event to event. One word choice does not work in every circumstance or culture. Word choice can also be critical to defusing situations or in getting people to accept your point of view. Even one word can make the difference between rejection and acceptance. In a study by social psychologist Harold Kelley, students were given a list of qualities describing a guest speaker they were about to hear. Each student read from either one of the following two lists:   

1. Cold, industrious, critical, practical, and determined
2. Warm, industrious, critical, practical, and determined

Of course, the students who read #1 had less than positive feelings about the speaker. The interesting thing, though, is that the lists are exactly the same except for the first word! They found that the first word at the front of the list conditioned how the student felt in reading through the rest of the list. It didn't matter that none of the following words were negative. Just reading the word "cold" tainted how the students read the rest of the list.

As I mentioned the airline industry has mastered the power of words. They know word choice is critical to getting their point across and to reduce stress. In one situation, a flight attendant had run out of steak as an option for dinner entrée. Instead of telling the customers their only option was chicken, the flight attendant said, "You can have a piece of marinated chicken breast, sautéed in mushrooms in a light cream sauce, or a piece of beef." Consequently, people chose the chicken because it sounded better. Think about the words next time you read a restaurant menu.

 

Podcast #200 Special Master Offer – 70% off! 

                              Magnetic Persuasion – Create Instant Influence

Magnetic Persuasion is one of the most incredible courses I’ve ever released.

This program will give you a distinct advantage over your competition.

WHAT YOU WILL GET: 18 MP3 Audios, Manual & Application Guide

For a limited time, this is what you get with my Magnetic Persuasion Special:

Magnetic Persuasion Audio Boot Camp (18 MP3’s)
Next, we have Magnetic Persuasion Audio Boot Camp.  The easiest way to double your income is to double your persuasion skills.  Remember when you need to persuade someone, it is too late to learn.  Magnetic Persuasion is literally the difference between knowing what you want– and getting it, anytime, anyplace, from anybody. Create unimaginable wealth, transform your career, and strengthen your relationships. Magnetic Persuasion Audio Boot camp is the first and only resource to combine scientific research and documented studies into one comprehensive catalog of proven persuasion, influence, and motivation techniques.

• Never be told “I can’t afford it again”
• Effortlessly build rapport with any personality type
• The 5 objections your prospects always have and how to overcome them
• How to create huge value to eliminate price resistance
• Create instant action through ethical urgency

Magnetic Persuasion Manual
The Magnetic Persuasion Manual has every piece of the persuasion pie. This manual is packed with over 15 years of scientific research and over 100 persuasion and influence tools. This includes over 344 pages packed with cutting edge research and application. You will learn about inoculation, Zeigarnik Effect, and advanced association triggers. You will also learn how color, touch, and smell affect every aspect of persuasion.

• Know exactly what the person you want to persuade is thinking and feeling.
• How to have absolute confidence in what you’re saying
• Overcome objections before they are even brought up!
• RESIST persuasion so you don’t fall into unethical traps!
• Harness the 18 most powerful words and put them to use

Magnetic Persuasion Application Guide 
Next is the Magnetic Persuasion application guide. This will crystallize the use of Magnetic Persuasion. This comprehensive guide will help you implement the following:

• The 12 Laws of Persuasion
• Why 95% of persuasion involves a subconscious trigger
• How to get the yes, when they say no.
• Things you are saying, projecting and doing that repel your prospect
• The Pre Persuasion Checklist

Magnetic Persuasion is one of the most incredible courses I’ve ever released.

This program will give you a distinct advantage over your competition.

As you learn these skills you will Master your life and increase your income. You will learn skills known only by the ultra-prosperous. You will learn and master a new skill everyday for a full year. Every situation, you’ll feel in control. You’ll know exactly what to say and do. So invest in yourself and your future.

You will not learn the old tired tactics of the Ben Franklin close or the ol bait and switch. You will learn how to influence the mind of your prospects, persuade them to join your business. Think with me, what would this be worth to you?

As you study Magnetic Persuasion you will discover advanced psychological techniques that will expand your mind.

You can Experience the Power of this!

Imagine being able to overcome objections before they happen, Know what your prospect is thinking and feeling, feel more confident in your ability to persuade. Be the master of your destiny, and control your financial future.

Invest in your future, invest in your income, and be proactive about who you are and what you want to become. Everything you want in life, somebody else has and you need to know how to persuade to get it.

Imagine where you would be now, if you had Mastered these skills only a few short years ago. How many millions of dollars have you lost?  Remember when you need to persuade someone, it is too late to learn.

Robin Dreeke FBI Interview

Did you ever leave an interaction saying to yourself, "That could have gone better?"

Do you want to improve your leadership, interviewing, sales, and trust building skills for every aspect of your life?

A counter-intelligence expert shows readers how to use trust to achieve anything in business and in life.

Robin Dreeke is a 28-year veteran of federal service, including the United States Naval Academy, United States Marine Corps. He served most recently as a senior agent in the FBI, with 20 years of experience. He was, until recently, the head of the Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program, where his primary mission was to thwart the efforts of foreign spies, and to recruit American spies. His core approach in this mission was to inspire reasonable, well-founded trust among people who could provide valuable information.

The Code of Trust is based on the system Dreeke devised, tested, and implemented during years of field work at the highest levels of national security. Applying his system first to himself, he rose up through federal law enforcement, and then taught his system to law enforcement and military officials throughout the country, and later to private sector clients.

Inspiring trust is not a trick, nor is it an arcane art. It’s an important, character-building endeavor that requires only a sincere desire to be helpful and sensitive, and the ambition to be more successful at work and at home. The Code of Trust is based on 5 simple principles:

1) Suspend Your Ego

2) Be Nonjudgmental

3) Honor Reason

4) Validate Others

5) Be Generous

For more information on Robin Dreeke and The Code of Trust visit www.Peopleformula.com

Dave Negri’s Secret Price Weapon

 Using “pricing” as a marketing strategy is often overlooked by entrepreneurs.  It may be a little scary, butsometimes all you need is a higher price point to become more attractive to your target market.   The affluent tend to associate higher prices with higher value.

When someone is looking for the “best” - choosing the cheapest person is not the path he or she will take.  When you are QUALITY-focused, slogans like “highest quality AND lowest price” don’t fit together.  They are actually mutually exclusive.  Clients recognize this and are extremely suspicious if you try to pair quality and low prices in your marketing.

 “Price Shoppers” exist at all income levels. A higher-income price shopper will be just as difficult and draining to work for as a lower-income price shopper.  The only difference is the higher-income price shopper has more expensive minimum and maximum price points, so you can spare the time and energy to accommodate him or her.

 It is critical for your own sanity, to filter out bargain price shoppers by having prices preset at higher levels.  Higher prices indicate to prospects you are concerned about quality rather than quick sales.  Immediately this creates a level of trust. When prospects respond favorably to your rates, they are seeking quality products—not low prices.  

For more information about Dave and his work visit: Www.contractorssecretweapon.com

Amy Cuddy – Non Verbal Link

I have already spoken at length about the necessity of positive mental programming and the initial steps one must take to put this powerful tool into practice. Great persuaders gain control over their destiny by controlling and directing their thoughts. Considering that our actions are emotion-driven, and our emotions are thought-driven, we've got to get our thoughts on track. They determine everything! You can always remind yourself of this powerful reality by keeping in mind the acronym TEA:

Thoughts → Emotions → Actions

Take an honest look at your life right now. Where do you find yourself? That place is the sum total of your thoughts over the course of a lifetime. Where have your thoughts taken you thus far? Where will they take you tomorrow, next week, or next year? It is only natural that negative thoughts will creep into your mind from time to time. As soon as they sneak in, escort them right back out. Don't entertain them. They are destructive. Some people use a rubber band to snap their wrist every time a negative thought comes into their mind. The pain associated with this technique fixes their negative thinking very rapidly. If you don’t want to try the rubber band, you can send me a $2,000 check every time you have a negative thought. I am sure that would start to work for you real fast, because that is what it is probably costing you! Your thoughts are what programs your subconscious mind.

Your thoughts are what program your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is the center of all your emotions. When your subconscious accepts an idea, it begins to execute it. And then your subconscious uses your ideas, knowledge, energy, and wisdom to find the solution. Now, it might occur in an instant, or it might take days, weeks, or even longer. Nevertheless, your mind will continue working on a solution. You need to understand that as you program your mind, you must ask yourself, "Do I program negative suggestions in my mind?" If you are telling yourself that you can't do it, you are right. When that inner voice tells you that you can't do something, it is important that you replace the thought or turn down the volume or intensity of the negative voice. Then you can change it to "I can do it," "I'm going to win," and "there's plenty for everybody." Altering your inner voice's perception is going to make a difference, and that's the important thing. That's because your subconscious mind will always accept what you program it to think. The bottom line is that you are what you think about, and you have the power to choose what you think. No one can do it for you. Great persuaders work on this mental training every day, while average persuaders think they have heard it all before and are doing OK.

If we are going to squash our negative thinking, we must replace those thoughts with new, positive ones. As you practice mental programming, new and inspiring ideas will intuitively and instinctively arise on their own. But give yourself specific goals and targets to keep your thoughts centered on—this type of focus will nurture and augment your newfound inner strength. Sure your logical mind will fight you on these new thoughts, but eventually your new programming will win. I love what Napoleon Hill, author of the classic Think and Grow Rich, had to say about this:

Anthony Iannarino  -  Becoming The Trusted Advisor

 What Is Not Advice

 Your product is not advice. Nor is your service. Nor are the solutions that you happen to sell. The features, benefits, and advantages of what you sell are not advice either.

 Your management team isn’t advice, and as impressive as your board members may be, they aren’t advice. You know what else isn’t advice? All of your locations, and all of the logos of the big, recognizable, widely-admired companies you serve. As remarkable as your clients are, they are not advice.

Your differentiation strategy isn’t advice either. The things that make you different and make a difference for your clients may help you distinguish yourself in a crowded market, but they are not advice.

 If you are spending the precious little time you have with your dream clients talking about you, your product, your company, your clients, and what makes you different, you are not “advising.”

 What Is Advice

 What are all the forces weighing down on your dream client and causing them to produce results that are less than they should be? How should they be thinking about these forces, and what should they do about them?

 What are the risks of not responding to the systemic challenges that threaten your dream client’s business? What are their choices? What are the trade-offs? What are the risks of taking action now?

 What opportunities are available to your dream client now? Which provide them with the greatest advantages and which hAve the fastest return on invested time, money, and resources?

 How you engage with your dream client matters.

 Where you start the conversation is important because you are defining your relationship. If you begin the conversation with the things that you are comfortable talking about but that don’t create value, then you are not establishing that you have the potential to be their consigliere.

 If on the other hand, you start the conversation with strategically important issues, you demonstrate that you know something worth knowing, something that can benefit your dream client.

 Business acumen is the new sales acumen. What is at risk by starting the conversation too low is nothing less than your relevance.

To learn more about Anthony and his work please visit:  www.thesalesblog.com/newsletter

Negotiation Versus Persuasion

Let’s talk about where negotiation fits into the world of persuasion and the difference between the two. Persuasion occurs when your ideas are so convincing that the other party ends up adopting your point of view. With persuasion, there is no compromising as there is in negotiation. Rather, the other party willfully and enthusiastically abandons their position to embrace yours. This abandonment is not brought about by manipulation because the other party clearly sees the gains and advantages of doing business with you.

Negotiation, on the other hand, is a process of give and take. It’s being able to overcome objections on both sides of an issue and ultimately reaching some common ground. While persuasion is the ultimate ideal, anytime any one of us is presenting our ideas, the other party is often equally committed to their own convictions, thus making negotiation the next best path.

Often when we hear the word “negotiation,” we think of a complex deal going on in the business world. In reality, however, all of us are involved in multiple negotiation processes every day. For example, when you want steak but your spouse wants lasagna, you may banter back and forth about why one is better than the other. In the end, however, you end up going to a place that offers a bit of both. In that instance, you may not have thought of yourself as negotiating, but that’s really what it was. Negotiation is so common in day-to-day life that you must master the skills of great negotiators to become a Master Persuader.

 

Offer

Negotiation 3 day Bootcamp Audios

 

 

Article Link

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/lhb-lhb0000189.pdf

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11780104

 

This episode features guest Scott Ingram -

In this episode learn all about why mindset and belief in yourself is absolutely fundamental. And the tips and tricks in getting yourself there. And how to show your customers/prospects that you truly care. 

Kurt and Scott discuss how important it is to be constantly learning, absorbing and surrounding yourself with the best.

They also discussed how most top sales people are more than willing to talk you about their sales process and share the information that they’ve learned. People want to give back and know that they were once at the beginning too. 

Who is doing it the best in your organization/niche? Figure out what they are doing and do the same thing.

Scott points out the one of the most important things is understanding who you are, your unique strengths and what the unique value is that you bring to the way you sell, and do more of that. “

Play up those unique strengths and values and be a more authentic and magnified version of yourself.

Scott Ingram is the host of the Sales Success Stories podcast where he interviews top sales people. Not just high ranking sellers either, everyone Scott talks with on his show is #1. He's also an active sales professional himself.

I’m in sales, and I have always looked for ways to improve myself and achieve more but have been frustrated by the source of most of that content. Instead of hearing from “sales experts” who aren’t currently in sales (somebody selling themselves or some form of sales training doesn’t count); I want to learn from salespeople who are the best of the best. What are they doing to achieve more than anybody else

While this is a very selfish project for me to learn and improve myself, I hope that you can benefit as well. Please subscribe to the podcast, and I invite you to join our Sales Success Community where you’ll find a growing group of like-minded sales achievers.   

Listen to Link Discussed in the Show

The Value of the Simple Statement

Simple is better than complex. Since we are unable to recapture or replay our spoken words, we hope that they will be correctly interpreted the first time they are heard. Unfortunately, spoken words can be the most misread and misinterpreted form of communication, and therefore, can be a great hindrance to effective persuasion. When you're in a persuasive situation, use simple, direct, and concise language, rather than fretting about how eloquent you're sounding. Persuaders normally try to speak to the lowest common denominator.  You might feel smarter using big words, but simple words are more persuasive.  Complex words will cause people to pretend to understand, but will not be persuaded.

 

Following are some simple guidelines to keep your speech and verbal packaging on the right track.

 

· Don't use technical language unless you are sure every member of your audience understands the meaning.

 

· Don't use profanity. In general, using profanity damages your credibility.  

 

· Be sensitive to whatever language your audience might find offensive or politically incorrect. 

 

· Speak in everyday language. You want your audience to relate to you and to feel as comfortable with you as possible.

 

· Use language that will make you seem familiar and easy to follow.

 

· Keep your language simple and clear.

 

· Keep your sentences short. Use as few words as possible unless you are painting the picture—just one idea at a time. 

 

· Use words that will engage the audience. Use "you," "we," and "us."

 

· Don't use vague and abstract words. They muddle your meaning and confuse your listener.

 

· Don't talk down to your listener by using pompous and pretentious words. 

 

· Use verb-driven language. By using verb-driven language, you will arouse a greater sense of action and motivation. Using action verbs will make your statement more convincing because your audience will engage their emotions, consciously and subconsciously. Verbs that are abstract or overused do not communicate excitement.

 

Attention-Grabbing Words  

With so many words in the English language to pick from, you must be very particular about which ones to use. Some will grab attention more than others. The following 21 words are commonly used to effectively persuade:

 

1.         Discover

2.         Guarantee 

3.         Now

4.         Improve

5.         Results

6.         Save

7.         Health

8.         Wealth

9.         Quick

10.       Easy

11.       Money

12.       Free

13.       Avoid

14.       New

15.       Benefit

16.       Proven

17.       Prevent

18.       Transform

19.       You/Your

20.       Eliminate

Article Link:  https://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-psychology-theories/self-verification-theory/

Product Special

Magnetic Persuasion – Create Instant Influence

 

 

What Does Improv Have To Do With Business? With guest Kelly Leonard from

www.secondcityworks.com

 

The ability to thrive amid change requires 4 things:

 

·         The ability to recognize where you are in any given moment

·         The flexibility to choose a new path

·         A willingness to collaborate on a solution

·         The freedom to take a risk…and to learn from failure

 

Great tenets for doing business, right? But these just happen to also be the very same skills we employ in our arena. Improvisation is an art form developed from a need to enhance assimilation, empathy and collaboration.  We didn’t seek out this connection–the findings found us, to say the least. To be honest, we’re kicking ourselves that we didn’t see it sooner.

 In fact, existing academic research and data already points to the power of improvisation. Here are a few of our favorite examples:

 

Divergent Thinking – “Improvisation encourages people to break away from set patterns of thinking.” –Carine Lewis, Peter J. Lovatt; University of Hertfordshire, UK

Negotiation – “Cooperative improvisation yielded more successful negotiations.” –Paul Ingram, William Duggan; Oxford Handbook of Critical Improvisation Studies

Decision Making – “Without improvisation, emergency management loses flexibility in the face of changing conditions.” –David Mendonca, Giampiero E.G. Beroggi, William A. Wallace; Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute

Problem Solving – “Improvisation shows us creativity in action. If shows that – in art, as in life – failures and mistakes can be turned into chances for original and unpredictable achievements.” –Alessandro Bertinetto, University of Udino

 

How do we achieve all this? With two little words that can change everything:

 Yes, and.

 That’s it! Our big secret. We teach that by understanding and applying the core improvisational concept  of “Yes, And,” you can pretty much achieve anything. In business–and in life–we are constantly tasked with making something out of nothing: new products, new clients, new strategies, new bosses, new co-workers, new economies.

 You can’t do new by saying no.

 And you can’t stop at yes.

What we’ve learned over more than half a century can bring out the creativity out in anyone. We can teach you and your team how to create an atmosphere that encourages risk taking and produces better understanding, real results and measurable success.

visit secondcityworks.com for more information!

This podcast is going to focus on how to handle the heckler and maintain audience control in any situation.  One of the key factors is getting to know your audience.

 

It is critical that you understand where your audience is coming from and what their needs and wants are. What do they really want to know? What are they searching for? What information can you present to bridge the gap between what they feel and what they want? It’s important to understand your audience as a general group and also to get inside their minds as individuals.

 

Here are some questions you should ask yourself about your audience as you prepare:

 

•     Who am I trying to persuade?

•     What is the common background or interest that brings them together?

•     Who are these people as individuals (business people, students, mothers, etc.)?

•     What can I offer that they will universally care about and understand?

•      What types of things will they be looking to get out of my message?

•      In terms of my key point(s), are they likely to agree, disagree, or be  

        indifferent?

•      Do I need to be aware of their political, religious, professional, or other

         associations?

•       What is their average education and/or income level?

•       What is their general age range?

•       Will they tend to be more conservative or more liberal in their life views?

•       Is this likely to be an easygoing or demanding crowd?

•       How long will I be likely to keep them engaged? How much time is available?

•       Is what I have to offer appropriate for this audience?

•       What is my audience’s biggest challenge and how am I going to solve it?

 

Article link:  http://www.cnn.com/2016/08/03/health/distracted-driving-addiction-brain-impact/index.html

Synchronized Beliefs

Very closely related to directing our thoughts are our beliefs or belief systems. Just as airplanes have guidance systems to direct them, so do we have systems guiding and shaping what we think, do, and believe. Without these influences, we will miss our intended destination, just like an airplane out of touch with the control tower would never be able to land.

 What if you had two control towers telling the pilots what to do? The results would be devastating. What many of us don't realize is that we are tuned in to multiple guidance systems simultaneously. For example, we value the input of our parents, spouse, and close friends, and pay heed to rules of the community, society, and often religion. Since so many influences may conflict with one another, we have to prioritize who or what dictates our belief system. If we cannot synchronize these influences, we will wander through life, always missing the target because of our inability to synchronize our beliefs. Great persuaders hit their targets more often because of a well-synchronized belief system.

 

It may be a very helpful exercise to pinpoint the main beliefs that are shaping your life and to determine whether or not any of them are in conflict with each other.

 

Consider the following possible conflicts of interest:

            The pursuit of wealth                      "Money is the root of all evil"

            Job security                                       Entrepreneurial freedom

            Making it to the top                         "Family comes first"

            Love of eating                                   Healthy body

            Adventurous                                    Ducks in a row

            You only live once                           Restraint, moderation

            More free time                                  Pursue financial independence

            Reduce debt                                      Start investing

            Successful business                         Successful parent

            Spiritual                                             Wealthy

 

After you have identified which beliefs shape your life, you need to determine which beliefs represent personal truths for you and which ones you have simply acquired by social and cultural osmosis. Upon closer study, we often find that much of what we believe has not come through our own thoughtful searching. Rather, it comes through imitating what society teaches is appropriate, and what we have been exposed to at home, school, or work. In order to truly change, grow, and prosper, we need to be consciously aware of the rules we've made for ourselves, where they have come from, and what they're based on. Do they all serve you? Or are they sabotaging you? It is time to take ownership of your beliefs.

 

Article Link

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/01/07/these-9-mental-habits-suck-the-happiness-from-your-life/

Jon Gordon's best-selling books and talks have inspired readers and audiences around the world. His principles have been put to the test by numerous NFL, NBA, MLB coaches and teams, Fortune 500 companies, school districts, hospitals and non-profits. He is the author of numerous best-selling books including The Energy Bus, The Carpenter, Training Camp, The Seed, You Win in the Locker Room First and The No Complaining Rule. Jon and his tips have been featured on The Today Show, CNN, CNBC, The Golf Channel, Fox and Friends and in numerous magazines and newspapers. His clients include The Los Angeles Dodgers, The Atlanta Falcons, Campbell Soup, Dell, Publix, Southwest Airlines, LA Clippers, Miami Heat, Pittsburgh Pirates, BB&T Bank, Clemson Football, Northwestern Mutual, Bayer, West Point Academy and more.

The Power of Positive Leadership

Great leaders understand that people drive the numbers, not the other way around; to win, you must win with people—and this book shows you how. It all begins with your decision to become a positive leader, and the understanding that leadership is not just about what you can do, but what you can inspire, encourage, and empower others to do. You'll learn to bring out the best in each of your employees by sharing the best within you; instead of running over people to achieve your goals, invite them on board—together, you can achieve more than you ever thought possible.

 Difficult times call for leaders who are up for the challenge. Results are the byproduct of your culture, teamwork, vision, talent, innovation, execution, and commitment; this book shows you how to bring it all together to become a powerfully positive leader.

 Discover the true drivers of short- and long-term success

Learn what leadership is really about

Cultivate the habits and outlook of successful leaders

Strengthen your people and let the results speak for themselves

Find the right people, invest in them, nurture them, and develop them; as they grow, so do you. The Power of Positive Leadership helps you become the person you want to be, and the leader your people need.

For more information about Jon and his work visit: www.jongordon.com

Charismatics have the ability to focus quickly in the moment similar to great athletes.  To master the area of focus and concentration, we must implement what athletes do before, during and after the competition.  

•           Visualize the win or the outcome before it happens

•           Constant self-discipline even when it hurts

•           Refocus after failure and learn from those mistakes

•           Instantly replace negative thoughts with positive ones

•           Have the ability to quickly change their state of mind

•           Able to concentrate during heavy distractions 

 

The key is to begin to focus and concentrate a little at a time.  Today try to focus and stay on a task for five minutes.  Where can you go?   What do you need to do to avoid distractions?  As you progress with this skill, add the length of time and your ability to limit distractions.  The second thing is to figure out what block of the day is your most productive time?  Is it the morning, the afternoon or the evening?  This is the time when you do your most important and difficult work.  Find that time when it is the easiest to concentrate and get things done.  When you truly master your ability to focus, not only is it easier to influence others, you will be able to accomplish ten times more in half the amount of time.

Link to Article: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/107179190300900404

 

Many think that when they get into positions of leadership or prominence that others should be serving them or looking up to them.  This is great way to turn people off and decrease your ability to be charismatic.  If your only focus is on you, then eventually all then the focus will be off you.  Sure others might run to your attention, but they are doing it for money or recognition, they are not doing it because of who you are.  When you start to focus on others, show some kindness and offer goodwill, offer some charity, and the focus will return to you.  When you look for the good in others you become better yourself.  When you start looking for ways to serve, not only do you open the doors to influence, it increases your well being and your happiness.

 

You demonstrate goodwill by focusing on positives and being careful with the negatives.  Don’t be harsh or forceful when dealing with people.  Remember most people can be highly sensitive or feel overly vulnerable. (Remember esteem)  Watch your statements and your actions and always show that you have the audience’s best interest in mind.   Never criticize someone unless you really need to and do it the right way.  Criticism damages your relationship and destroys the connection you have with them and hurts your charisma.  Instead, find something positive and show goodwill.  This will increase acceptance and self-confidence.  Many times we correct or criticize in the wrong way and this destroys the possibility for leadership, loyalty and charisma.  Anytime someone feels stupid or you are perceived as inconsiderate and your ability to lead or influence diminishes.  Little do most people know that their comments cause rebellion and resentment.  Show you care, show some goodwill and you automatically will transfer charisma.

 

A big part of goodwill is the mindset of abundance.  Abundance is a state of mind that allows you to give knowing that the universe will reward you.  You don’t do it for the reward, you do it because it is the right thing to do.  As author Stephen Covey said "the abundance mentality (which) flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security.  It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody.... It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity."  You know that when you give of your time, money or even skills that it is not only the right thing to do, it increases your abundance, your health and your happiness and your charisma.  Get past the scarcity mentality society has given you and see the abundance the world has to offer.  Realize we are all on the same human team and we all have different strengths and weaknesses.  Always be willing to share your strengths and someone will appear to help you with your weaknesses.

Article link:https://www.fastcompany.com/3035120/4-steps-to-overcoming-failure-and-using-it-to-your-advanta

 

Passion is very contagious.  When you transfer this passion, the people around you start to radiate that passion.  They perform better, if it is at work, it is no longer work.  They become more proactive, more willing to work as a team and become more optimistic.  When you have tapped into this passion you become more determined and it increases your persistence.  It starts to become a burning desire and consumes you and it radiates to others.  A word of caution, just because you are passionate does not mean you can forego learning the skills you need to be successful.  It is a critical piece of the charisma pie, but you still need more pieces of the pie to radiate powerful long-term charisma.

More than anything else, passion recruits the hearts and minds of your audience.  Charismatics radiate heartfelt passion.  When the audience can sense your passion and sincere conviction for your cause, they will emotionally jump on board.  We all love people who are excited and filled with believable passion for their subject.  Passion is critical to influencing others and transmitting charisma.  When you have passion for something, you want to let everyone know about it.  You want to convert as many people to your cause as possible, and when someone disagrees with you, you are not swayed by their opinions or advice.  

PS

Remember to test out your personal pics.  The website we talked about was Photofeeler.com

 

Article Link: http://www.upi.com/Science_News/2017/04/14/Science-says-Let-a-stranger-pick-your-profile-picture/8781492196442/

Rapport: The Instant Connection  

Rapport is the secret ingredient that makes us feel a harmonious link with someone else. It is equivalent to being on the same wavelength with the other person. Rapport is the key that makes mutual trust materialize.

Have you ever met a perfect stranger and just hit it off? Finding plenty to talk about, you almost felt as if you had met before. It just felt right. You could talk about practically anything and you lost track of time. You developed such a strong bond with that person that you knew what he was going to say. Everything just clicked between the two of you and you felt a connection with this person. You felt your ideas were in sync and you enjoyed your time with each other. This is rapport.

In our discussion of rapport, we are going to elaborate on these concepts: humor, body language, touch and mirroring. Mastering these skills will help you to develop rapport faster.

Humor  

Humor can be a powerful tool to create rapport. Humor makes the persuader seem more friendly and accepting. Humor helps gain attention, helps you create rapport, and makes your message more memorable. It can relieve tension, enhance relationships, and motivate people.  Appropriate use of humor increases trust in your audience.

Humor can also distract your audience from negative arguments or grab their attention if they are not listening.  Humor diverts attention away from the negative context of a message, thereby interfering with the ability of listeners to carefully scrutinize it or engage in counterarguments. If listeners are laughing at the jokes, they may pay less attention to the content of a message. Humor can "soften up" or disarm listeners.  Humor connects you with your audience and increases their attention to your message.

 Humor must be used cautiously, however. If used inappropriately, it can be offensive and may cause your audience to turn against you. Humor should only be used as a pleasant, but moderate distraction. As a rule of thumb, if you are generally not good at telling jokes, don't attempt it. Be sure that you have good material. Nonfunny humor is not only ineffective, but irritating. Modify your humor so that it is appropriate for your audience.   

Smile

Another aspect of humor is the smile.  A smile is free, generates a great first impression, and shows happiness, acceptance, and confidence. Your smile shows that you are pleased to be where you are, or happy to meet this person. As a result, they become more interested in meeting you. Smiling also conveys a feeling of acceptance, which makes your listener more trusting of you. It has been shown that sales representatives who smiled during the sales process increased their success rate by 20 percent. However, as with traditional humor, use a smile appropriately.

Similarity: Similar Is Familiar

Similarity theory states that familiar objects are more liked than less familiar ones. The same holds true with people: We like people who are similar to us. This theory seems to hold true whether the commonality is in the area of opinions, personality traits, background, or lifestyle.  

I can remember walking in a foreign country, taking in the unfamiliar sights and sounds, and then running into someone from my own country. We could have been from opposites sides of the nation with nothing in common, but there was an instantaneous bond between us, all because we had something in common in a mutually unfamiliar place.   

Similarity is also true even in the judicial system. If jurors feel that they share some common ground with you and, better yet, like you—even subconsciously—for that similarity, then you will have a markedly better chance of winning your case. Anytime we establish something about ourselves that others will identify with, we increase our persuasive powers. In one particular study, antiwar demonstrators were more inclined to sign petitions of those similarly dressed, and often didn't even bother to read the petition before signing!   Numerous studies conclude that your audience is most responsive to individuals who dress and act similar to them.

Researchers McCroskey, Richmond, and Daly say there are four parts to similarity: attitude, morality, background, and appearance.  Of the four similarity factors, attitudes and morals are always the most important.  Power Persuaders are always looking for similarities or common beliefs to form the basis of common foundations with their prospects. We want to be persuaded by those who are like us and with whom we can relate. 

We see real-world examples of this in advertisements. We want to see people we can identify with, and the advertising execs accommodate us. When we see a particular commercial, we think, "Hey, he is just like me! He is also Broke!  That couple has a messy, cluttered house, too." We see ads showing the average Joe or Jill because they create that similarity.   

Your audience will connect with you when they perceive the similarity.  O'Keefe found two important points regarding similarity and persuasion. First, the similarity must be relevant to the subject or issue being persuaded. Second, to persuade someone, the similarities must involve positive rather than negative qualities.   The bottom line is we are interpersonally connected to others when they possess similar values and beliefs.

Emotional States: Understanding Feelings and Moods

Charismatic people know there is a fine line between logic and emotion.  To influence someone you have to have both.  Emotion will override logic every time.  I am going to assume here (I know I shouldn’t do that) you have the ability to form a logical argument.  Emotion is the missing piece for most people that want to become more charismatic.  Very few really know how emotional states, feelings, subconscious triggers and moods affect other people and affect (good and bad) your ability to maintain charisma and influence.  

 Logic tends to be more temporary while emotion will carry your message into the future.  Emotion inspires us to take action, but logic justifies those actions.  We know it is difficult for most people to distinguish between logic and emotion.  We know that is difficult to identify many of the emotions that are felt throughout a day.  We know people can’t forecast what emotions they will feel, how long they will feel it and how strong the emotion will be.  Most people just sense if you or your message makes them feel good or feel bad.  Your goal is to change or maintain their emotional state or mood.

These are the emotions that will detract from your charisma and decrease your ability to influence.

 Anger

Anger is a sign that something is out of line.   Anger is also known as a secondary emotion.  What they are angry about and really angry about are usually two different things.  You can help decrease a person’s anger by finding out the main reason they are upset.  It is also useful to ask for their help, opinions, or advice.  This will usually diffuse their anger or even help change their demeanor.  Sometimes the person doing the influencing may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction.

 Worry

When someone is worried or preoccupied with something occurring now or could happen in the future, your ability to change their mood or influence them declines.  Worry could cause you to feel nervous, uneasy or anxious.  Worry can be referred to as a negative vision of the future.  Help them by bringing them back to reality.  Worry will subside when you can substitute their negative images with positive ones.  Another way worry decline is when you help them make a decision.  Worry decreases with decisions.

 Fear

Fear is anxiety or tension caused by danger or apprehension.  The possibility of harm can be real, but it is usually an overactive imagination.  Fear motivates us and moves us away from perceived unpleasant circumstances or certain danger.  Logic rarely reduces fear.  The key to understanding fear is to realize that is has been learned from a past experience.  Remember that fear is very real to them.  Make sure when they are in fear that you can provide a solution for them.  Then your job as a great influencer is to help them feel capable of overcoming this fear. 

That first thirty seconds with your audience are critical. How do you start? Great persuaders craft and design their message. There is no room to wing it. Your opening is where your audience formulates and settles into their impressions of you. Think of your opening or introduction as comprising no more than 10 percent of your full presentation. Budgeting your speech in this manner forces you to organize your time so that you know exactly what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. 

 As you move from the opening of your presentation to the main body, it is helpful to remember the acronym TESS, which stands for testimonials, examples, statistics, and stories. Top persuaders tend to incorporate each of these elements into their presentations. Our research shows that when speaking to an audience, each point of TESS will resonate with different audience members. On average, TESS resonates as follows:

Testimonials                12%

Examples                     23%

Statistics                      18%

Stories                         47%

          

       Testimonials. A testimonial is a person’s statement or declaration of what they believe and assert to be true. In your presentation, it can be your own, or it can come from a third party. Testimonials are a source of social validation—people assume that if others believe in it, then they should too. Great persuaders know how to use testimonials when their credibility is low. Make sure your testimonials are believable and unbiased and that they are qualified for your audience. 

            Examples. An example is an explanation or model that demonstrates or illustrates your point. Instead of just spouting off facts, examples make your points come alive. Examples reinforce your ideas and make them vivid and real in the mind of your audience. Examples can be taken from research studies, from articles you’ve read—and they can be personal anecdotes. 

           Statistics. In a consumer climate that is increasingly skeptical, I recommend using statistics sparingly. Everyone knows that you can “cook the books” and find statistics to prove almost anything; your audience wants credible statistics. Statistics resonate with the logical mind, and when convincing, they are very persuasive. In particular, the analytical minds in your audience will love you and want to know the source. Most statistics need to be explained and often work best with visual aids.

            Stories. The most powerful of the four elements of TESS are stories. They draw your audience in while helping them understand and appreciate your message. I’m sure you can think of a time when you were in an audience, not paying much attention to the speaker. You were probably off in your own world, when all of a sudden, you perked up and started to listen because the speaker started telling a story. When we hear a story, we automatically tune in and want to know what happens next.

Structuring Persuasive Presentations

Why should we be concerned with the structure of a persuasive presentation? Top predictor of professional success is how much you enjoy and how good you are at public speaking.   Studies also show the ability to give presentations was ranked as the most critical skill needed to move up in today’s business environment.

 

Before we jump into the meat of this topic, remember as you prepare your persuasive message that you want to focus on one defined issue. You are not there to persuade on ten different points. Stay focused and steer clear of sensitive issues that aren't on your original agenda. In other words, don't inadvertently offend your audience on one issue when your focus in on another. The structure of your persuasive message should follow the pattern discussed below.

 

1. Create Interest

You have to generate an interest about your chosen topic. Your audience needs a reason to listen: Why should they care? What's in it for them? How can you help them? A message that starts with a really good reason to listen will grab the attention of the audience, enabling you to continue with the message. Without this attention, there is no hope of getting your message across.

 

2. State the Problem

You must clearly define the problem you are trying to solve. The best pattern for a persuasive presentation is to find a problem and relate how it affects the audience. In this way, you show them a problem they have and why it is of concern to them. Why is this a problem to your audience?  

 

3. Offer Evidence

This is the support you give to your argument. Evidence validates your claims and offers proof that your argument is correct. It allows your audience to rely on other sources besides you. Evidence can include examples, statistics, testimonies, analogies, and any other supporting material used to enhance the integrity and congruency of your message.

 

4. Present a Solution

You have gained your audience's interest and provided evidence in support of your message; now you must solve their problem. You present the argument you want them to believe and satisfy the need you have identified or created. You have created dissonance and now you are providing the solution. How can your product meet their needs and wants and help them achieve their goals?

 

5. Call to Action

A persuasive message is not true persuasion if your audience does not know exactly what they need to do. Be specific and precise. In order to complete the solution to their problem, they must take action. This is the climax, the peak of your logic and emotion. The prescribed actions must be feasible. Make your call to action as easy as possible.

 

Using this type of structure facilitates people's acceptance of your message and clarifies what you want them to do. We all have a logical side to our mind, which results in our need for order and arrangement. If we don't sense some sort of structure, we tend to become confused. If you can't be clear, concise, and orderly, your prospect will find someone else who is.

 

Link to Article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25811633

Paul Smith (Author) - Lead with a story and Sell with a story

 Leadwithastory.com

 Storytelling has come of age in the business world. Today, many of the most successful companies use storytelling as a leadership tool. At Nike, all senior executives are designated "corporate storytellers." 3M banned bullet points years ago and replaced them with a process of writing "strategic narratives." Procter & Gamble hired Hollywood directors to teach its executives storytelling techniques. Some forward-thinking business schools have even added storytelling courses to their management curriculum.

 The reason for this is simple: Stories have the ability to engage an audience the way logic and bullet points alone never could. Whether you are trying to communicate a vision, sell an idea, or inspire commitment, storytelling is a powerful business tool that can mean the difference between mediocre results and phenomenal success.

 Whether in a speech or a memo, communicated to one person or a thousand, storytelling is an essential skill for success.  

 

Paul Smith 

Paul Smith is one of the world’s leading experts on organizational storytelling. He’s a keynote speaker, storytelling coach, and author of the books Sell with a Story, Parenting with a Story, and the bestseller Lead with a Story already in its 8th printing and available in 6 language around the world. Paul is also a former consultant at Accenture and former executive and 20-year veteran of The Procter and Gamble Company.

 Six stats on the importance of trust in influencer marketing

 “Only 22% of brands are trusted.” (Havas Media)

 That’s a frightening metric for any marketer. Without establishing trust between your brand and your audience, it’s nearly impossible to market your product or service. So marketers are faced with the difficult question of how to create and maintain trust with their audience.

 “61% of women said they won’t engage with an influencer’s sponsored content if it doesn’t feel genuine.” (Bloglovin)

 Trust and authenticity are critical for engagement in any influencer campaign. Without trust, the content that you’re hoping will build engagement won’t feel genuine and won’t resonate with your desired audience.

 Low trust equals low engagement, and a pattern of this can erode an influencer’s audience over time. While this report references women specifically, these principles are applicable across the influencer marketing sphere.

 “43% of millennials rank authenticity over content when consuming news.” (Forbes)

 According to a survey of 1,300 millennials carried out by Forbes, young people prioritise trusting a company or news site before they will look at any content it produces. As Dan Schawbel of Forbes wrote, “Millennials connect best with people over logos.”

 If trust isn’t established, millennials may not even interact with your content. An influencer can get a lot of attention, but the only attention that matters for your brand is authentic, genuine interaction that builds trust between you and the audience.

 “60% of YouTube subscribers say they would follow advice on what to buy from their favourite YouTube creator over a traditional celebrity.” (TheYouTube Generation Study)

 Celebrity spokespeople have long been considered a surefire way to build positive associations for your brand among your target audience. H&R Block wants to establish trust with their audience, so they recruit Jon Hamm to be their spokesman.

 But savvy brands are turning to influencers on YouTube and other channels who have built audiences related to a shared set of interests. These placements are more authentic, and drive more brand-relevant recommendations than the generalized appeal of celebrity spots.

 “83% of consumers trust recommendations from their peers over advertising.” (Nielsen)

 Consumers take recommendations from their peers much more favorably than the ‘recommendations’ they see in ads. They trust the opinions of their friends because they know they’re both unbiased and providing recommendations that are personalized to the individual. Influencers fit this bill nicely.

 The best influencers turn down deals that don’t have a natural fit in their feed and approach branded deals without bias. Either they already love a product and are happy to endorse it, or they agree to test the product and give an honest review or endorsement.

 If you find the right influencers whose personas fit your brand values, targeted to your area of interest, the recommendations they share are more personalized for their audiences.

 “54% of consumers believe the smaller the community, the bigger the influence.” (Technorati)

 Although influencer marketing can help you reach a larger audience, ultimately, that audience doesn’t matter if it’s not the right audience. It is more valuable to show your brand to 30K likely buyers than it is to show it off to 200K totally uninterested viewers.

 Finding influencers whose content and style perfectly match your brand, no matter their follower level, is a much smarter strategy than just getting as many eyes as possible. Influencers with smaller followings may have a more relevant, engaged and trusting audience because they haven’t “blown up” yet. Check the comment sections on a Kardashian-branded post and you’ll see what I mean.

 To build trust with your audience, you don’t need to reinvent the wheel. But you do need to foster trust between your brand and the influencer — trusting them to make content that will capture your brand values while also engaging their followers in the best way.

 You can take advantage of existing marketing principles to build a playbook to engage your audience. Make use of peer recommendations from authentic influencers to drive engagement with your brand.

 Brian Zuercher is CEO & Founder of SEEN, and a contributor to Search Engine Watch.

Proxemics: The Science of Space

              The anthropologist Edward T. Hall created the science of proxemics, which studies how people use, react to, configure, and occupy the space around them. We all want our own space, and we feel uncomfortable when people violate our personal territory. While it may sound overly obvious, research shows that many persuaders get too familiar, too fast. Disrespect for your audience’s personal space—especially when you are first meeting them—will definitely not build rapport. Many persuaders don’t even know that they are violating their audience’s space. They may think, for example, that by reaching out and touching their audience members on the arm, they will be seen as warm and extending. Such as gesture may really be a turnoff, though. What does it feel like? Imagine that you go to a movie theatre and there are 150 seats but only ten people watching the movie. Social custom calls for everyone to spread out. Let’s say you take your seat and the nearest person is twenty feet away. How would you feel if a stranger came and sat down right next to you in this theatre of empty seats? That would be a violation of your personal space. 

                   Understanding proxemics requires an understanding of territory and the role of dominance. The bigger office, the armrest on the airplane, the larger chair, sitting at the head of the conference table, getting into someone’s face—all these things have hidden meanings. It could be unwanted touching or jumping into a conversation that damages likeability and rapport. Be observant. How is your use of space perceived by your audience? Always err on the side of giving extra space, instead of too little. 

            Does the science of proxemics really matter? The distance you keep or don’t keep when persuading someone communicates a message. Great persuaders understand rapport and interpersonal communication, and they respect personal space. You will find that the amount of space between a person and a persuader affects the way they are able to interact with each other and what message their interaction sends. When we sit at a table or across from a desk, we each draw invisible lines of our perceived personal space. When these invisible territorial lines are violated, tension is created. We all have regions or areas where we permit others to enter or prevent others from entering. Great persuaders recognize when an invitation to enter their audience’s private zone is being extended.

            Your audience’s intimate area is not to be violated by you, the persuader. In North America, that area extends from your audience’s face out to about twenty-four inches. Most social interaction takes place between four and twelve feet of distance. This personal space preference not only varies by individual but also by culture. For example, in the Middle East or Latin America, it is reduced by almost 50 percent.37 In Germany, on the other hand, the space is larger. It is comedic to watch two people from two different cultures trying to communicate. One is violating the other’s personal space, while the other is backing up in an attempt to regain his personal space. The two are in some sort of dance to maintain and regain comfortable communication space.

Article:http://captology.stanford.edu/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/RSA-The-new-rules-of-persuasion.pdf

The Law of Obligation and Marketing

We often see this method at work when companies give out complimentary calendars, business pens, T-shirts, or mugs.  This specialty advertising is an $18.5 billion dollar industry.  It not only creates obligation, but keeps your name in front of your future customer.  The studies show that 52% of people given a promotional product said they were more likely to do business with the person that gave them the item.    

The same principle applies when you go to the grocery store and see those alluring sample tables. It is hard to take a free sample and then walk away without at least pretending to be interested in the product. Some individuals, as a means of appeasing their indebtedness, have learned to take the sample and walk off without making eye contact. The studies show that 70% will try the sample when asked and 37% of those will buy the product.   Although some have taken so many samples, they no longer feel an obligation to buy or even pretend they're interested in the products anymore. Still, the technique works, so well that it has been expanded to furniture and audio/video stores, which offer free pizza, hot dogs, and soft drinks to get you into the store and create instant obligation.

Pre-giving is effective because it makes us feel like we have to return the favor. Greenburg said this feeling of discomfort is created because the favor threatens our independence.   The more indebted we feel, the more motivated we are to eliminate the debt. An interesting report from the Disabled American Veterans Organization revealed that their usual 18 percent donation response rate nearly doubled when the mailing included a small, free gift.

A men’s clothing store offers free pressing for suits bought in their store. This creates a sense of obligation among their customers, who when they next decide to buy another suit are more likely to buy it from the store that offered the freebie.  Offering a free inspection or free estimate also will create obligation.  Remember this does not guarantee they will do business with you.  They will be more willing to listen and puts you higher on the list.

An interesting side effect to obligation is what is does to the giver.  Those that help you or give you something feel more positive and have higher self-esteem.   The other bonus is that the giver also feels more committed to the recipient. Which means always let them reciprocate back to you.

Link to article: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0022103171900254

How You Can Tell If You’re Really Connecting

              I’ve talked about common rapport-building obstacles and how you can know for sure that you’re not connecting. But how do you know that you are connecting, especially when your audience is not going to tell you? One of the most obvious signs of a good connection is that the initial defensiveness and skepticism begin to dissipate. The mood relaxes and your audience begins to relax. They begin to voluntarily offer personal thoughts and feelings without you having to pull it out of them. Openness increases, and resistance decreases. There is more eye contact and more open body language. It could best be summed up by saying things start to “feel right.” The exchange is natural, sincere, positive, and upbeat. You could compare it to how you feel when talking to a good friend. 

 

                   One of the myths about having rapport with people is that you have to agree with each other on every point. Rapport and agreement are not the same. When you have good rapport you will no doubt agree on many things, but this is incidental and not essential. Your ability to connect with people cannot be conditional. To be a powerful persuader, your persuasiveness cannot have any contingencies. You must be persuasive no matter who comes to your table, and that means accepting people as they are and still respecting them, listening to them, and caring about them. Some may think I go too far in saying agreement is incidental. Is it possible to have rapport with someone with whom you agree on nothing? Think of your friends and family. You can probably think of someone you like and connect with very well even though you don’t agree on financial, political, or religious matters.

Energy of Influence

      Another way to enhance your ability to motivate yourself and others is to make sure all things are balanced in your life. Great persuaders lead a balanced life and keep everything in perspective. I call this delicate balance “life alignment.” Make sure there is balance in every aspect of your life. Imbalance can undermine motivation and cause inaction and unhappiness. Many times, we quit early because of imbalance, even when we don’t realize an imbalance exists. It may be only one area of our life that is out of whack, but it can still have a direct effect on other areas of our life. Just as in a mutual fund, where one bad stock can pull down the fund’s overall value, one bad area in your life can also have a disproportionate negative effect. 

            Ask yourself these questions: Would I invest in my own mutual fund of myself? Would I suggest that my family or friends invest in me? These are hard questions to ask, but the answers to them are necessary as you get your life on track. Take a look at the stocks in which you have invested in your own life. What stock is pulling the rest of your portfolio down? Are you a growing mutual fund or is your mutual fund losing money? Is your fund stagnant? If you won’t invest in your personal mutual fund (yourself), who will? 

            When we look at life, we have to realize that it is not lived in segments, but rather, it is part of a greater whole. Every aspect of your life will either help or hurt the rest of your life. Our aim is to get all aspects working together to create a high-performing fund. Realize, however, that you can invest too much in one aspect of your life. When you do, you can get unbalanced just like a tire on a car. Even too much of a good thing can lead to disaster. 

            As you invest in yourself, you must make sure you are diversifying in the following six areas: We often spend too much of our time spinning our wheels and investing in stock that has no value or that is diminishing the value of our mutual fund. We get so busy buying the stock society recommends that we forget to examine whether this stock is helping or hurting us. There may also be times when you need to sell a stock (change a habit or belief) because it is not performing. We always need to make sure that we are a growth fund and that we are continually investing the right things in ourselves. If we neglect any one of the life-alignment areas, our overall happiness and success will diminish.

link to article: 

http://psychcentral.com/news/2016/05/02/evidence-found-for-visual-stereotyping/102596.html

The Law of Obligation, also known as pre-giving or reciprocity, states that when others do something for us, we feel a strong need, or urge, to return the favor. Returning the favor rids us of the obligation created by the first good deed. The adage "one good turn deserves another" is a part of social conditioning in every culture. And, even beyond that, the maxim serves as an ethical code that does not necessarily need to be taught, but nevertheless is understood. For example, when someone smiles or gives us a compliment, we feel a great need to return the smile or compliment. Even when these gestures are unsolicited, we feel a sense of urgency to repay the person who has created the mental or psychological debt. In some cases, our need to subconsciously repay this debt is so overwhelming that we end up dramatically exceeding the original favor. The reciprocity trigger created by the car salesman's water is a classic example of this principle. Most of us keep a mental scorecard of these favors.

 

The drive to alleviate feelings of obligation is so powerful that it can make us bend toward people we don't even know. Accepting gifts or favors without attempting to return them is universally viewed as selfish, greedy, and heartless. It is often strictly due to this internal and external pressure that people conform to the rule of reciprocity. One university professor chose names at random from a telephone directory, and then sent these complete strangers his Christmas cards. Holiday cards addressed to him came pouring back, all from people who did not know him and, for that matter, who had never even heard of him.  I had a student raise his hand at a seminar and said, I know him and he is still getting Christmas cards from strangers over 20 years later.  Can you believe people have sent out Christmas cards all these years to someone they didn’t even know?

 

 

Article:  http://psych.colorado.edu/~vanboven/teaching/p7536_heurbias/p7536_readings/kruger_dunning.pdf

Smells: The Aroma of Persuasion

We all know what the smell of movie popcorn does to us. Smell is directly linked to our emotions.  Our sense of smell is so powerful that it can quickly trigger associations with memories and emotions. Our olfactory system is a primitive sense that is wired directly to the center of our brain. By four to six weeks, infants can tell the difference between their own mother's scent and that of a stranger.  Almost everyone has experienced situations in which a smell evoked a nostalgic (or not so nostalgic) memory. Think of the smells that take you back to your childhood. For some it is the smell of fresh baked bread, or freshly cut grass, or of the neighborhood swimming pool. You can go back twenty years in a matter of seconds with the sense of smell. Smells require little mental effort to be experienced and the subconscious reaction happens with little conscious attention.

 

There have been numerous studies conducted on the impact scent and fragrances have on association. A study conducted among undergraduate students found that female students wearing perfume were rated as more attractive by male students.  Scents were even found to improve scores on job evaluations. Of course, offensive odors can also be used (and have been used) to evoke a negative response. This technique was once used while campaign committees were rating and appraising political slogans. Not surprisingly offensive odors caused the ratings for the slogans to go down.  The smell of citrus Windex helped people to be more generous with their money and time towards the habitat of humanity.  Cleaning aromas also help more people be honest and fair and their dealings with others.

Article Link

 http://healthland.time.com/2013/12/16/my-nose-made-me-buy-it-how-retailers-use-smell-and-other-tricks-to-get-you-to-spend-spend-spend/

Summary:

Talking Too Much 

  Being an extrovert, having the gift of gab, or being able to make small talk with anyone you meet can definitely be used to your advantage, but watch yourself. How can you persuade if you are always talking? It will be very annoying to your audience if they sense that you like hearing yourself talk more than listening to their concerns. Remember, it's about them, not you. Great persuaders listen more than they talk. In fact, great persuaders use their listening and questioning skills to get their audience to persuade themselves. 

 

Often when someone comes to you, she already knows what she wants. She already has something in mind. She just needs to talk through it with someone. Which approach do you think will have better, longer-term results: you persuading your audience, or you helping them persuade themselves? It's much better if your audience feels as if they have made the decision themselves, without perceived external influences. When you do have to talk, be succinct and to the point. A good rule of thumb is not to talk more than 30 percent of the time. 

 

Now, with these general guidelines in place, it is worth pointing out that you must always be prepared to adapt and adjust to the personality type of your audience. For some people, talking 30 percent of the time will still be too much. Discussing only what is relevant to the matter at hand and keeping chit-chat to a minimum is best for these no-nonsense types. Your attempts at being their buddy will likely annoy and maybe even offend them. Some people feel that being overly warm and personable is not appropriate when you have just met someone for the very first time. Polite and professional, yes, but warm and fuzzy, no. The bottom line is, don't get too friendly too fast.

Link to article: http://foodpsychology.cornell.edu/discoveries/curse-chinese-buffet

Today I interviewed Dr. Stephanie Burroughs.  She is the author of Dating Your Business Prospect.  She looks at networking in a whole new light.  She calls it 360 networking.  She explains how to use social media and expanding you social media with face to face and belly to belly networking.  She will answer the following questions on the Maximize Your Influence Podcast

 

How to you prepare for this encounter with an important prospect?

How do you approach them without looking like a fool?

What does the perfect follow-up look like?

 

Stephanie Burroughs Bio

Dr. Stephanie D. Burroughs, President of StephanieSpeaking LLC began her minority business advocacy in 1980, while working in the construction industry providing contract compliance monitoring for M/W/DBE programs. She later increased her competencies by providing program development, project management and diversity certification auditing services. 

 

StephanieSpeaking LLC provides speaking, workshop facilitation and business navigation services for minority, women, veteran, and small business owners. The company helps business owners overcome fear, confusion and stagnation by providing clear instruction and easily integrated strategies on how to successfully navigate and compete for government and public contracts. Dr. Burroughs is known for her inspirational, holistic and common sense approach resulting in many clients and audience members experiencing thought-life transformation; thereby changing their outlook and approach to their business and life endeavors.

 

Dr. Stephanie D. Burroughs is a graduate of Rutgers University and currently resides in New Jersey.

The New Year is here and your influence skills are more critical than ever.  You have heard enough about goals – so let’s focus on those persuasion tools.  Does your eye contact help you influence or does it trigger deception cues?  Are you reading your prospect’s eyes to adjust your presentation?  Let’s find out the power of your eyes.

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "The eyes of men converse as much as their tongues." The more common phrase we hear is "the eyes are the windows to the soul." Through our eyes, we can gauge the truthfulness, attitude, and feelings of a speaker. Not making the proper amount of eye contact can have devastating results. Our pupils are one of the most sensitive and complicated parts of our body. They react to light, but they also respond to our emotions, revealing a variety of feelings.   

Making eye contact can also convey love or passion. In a number of studies on eye contact and attraction, researchers found that simply looking into one another's eyes can create passionate feelings. In one particular case, two members of the opposite sex who were complete strangers were found to have amorous feelings toward each other after merely gazing into one another's eyes.   In another study, beggars were interviewed about their "tactics" for getting donations. Several of the beggars stated that one of the very first things they tried to do was establish eye contact. They claimed that making eye contact made it harder for people to pretend they hadn't seen them, to ignore them, or to just keep walking.  Other studies have shown that public speakers who make more eye contact, use pleasant facial expressions, and incorporate appropriate gestures into their speeches have more persuasive power than speakers who do not.

What do we need to know about the eyes?

Sunglasses – Hide the eyes and arouse distrust

Avoidance of eye contact – Lack of confidence

Less than 50% eye contact - Insincere and distant

Increased eye contact – Starting to accommodate or acceptance

Rapid blinking – Resistance to what has been done or said

Extended eye contact – Anger, love or frustration

Pupils dilate – Interested, and receptive

 

Anger is a secondary emotion. A prospect's anger is usually an indicator that something else is askew and that he needs or wants attention.  When we are angry – we want attention or action now. You can assist in diminishing his anger by determining the key issue he is upset about. It is also often effective to ask for his help, opinions, or advice. This will usually diffuse his anger or even change his attitude and demeanor completely. In some circumstances, you may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction. However when someone is angry they are more likely to blame someone else. In their mind it is not their fault. When they are sad they will usually blame the situation. When people become angry they tend to rely on intuition or an educated guess.  Anger triggers non analytical information processing.   Anger causes us to use mental shortcuts to decide if the argument is right.   An experiment was done that induced anger. The participants that were angry tended to discriminate between weak and strong persuasive arguments more than those in a neutral mood.  In other words, those that were angry tended to be more influenced by heuristic cues (intuition) than those in a sad or neutral mood.

Willingness to confront your fears is critical to mental programming. Great persuaders have mastered their fears. You will be tempted to leave your fears buried, but they will invariably come back to haunt you. It is much better to deal with fears directly, especially considering that whatever we fear most is never as bad as we think. Human infants are born with only two fears: fear of falling and fear of loud noises. A newborn baby fears nothing else. All other fears are learned. The good news is that if we can learn fears, we can unlearn them. How do you unlearn a deeply ingrained fear? You must face it. That's right—you must deliberately put yourself in the situation where you are confronted with it and there is no escape. Any new skill comes only through extensive practice. There is no way around it. Let's say you have a terrible fear of public speaking. If you want to be a brilliant public speaker, then you've got a lot of public speaking to do. You must force yourself to present to others over and over again. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld jokes about how people are more afraid of public speaking than of dying. He says they would rather be in the casket than delivering the eulogy! The truth is, we usually find out, once we've stepped up and faced a fear directly, that it wasn't so bad. Most of our fears are exaggerated doubts or they are based on unrealities. How will you ever come to this realization if you don't look your fears in the face?

On Episode 167 of Maximize Your Influence, Kurt and Steve interview Matt Powell. Matt asks an important question other personal growth planning books never ask: what if you are choosing the wrong goals? Having taught thousands of students and selling thousands of books on learning methods, Matt brings his systematic approach to achieving goals and changing your future. The best planning process in the world won't help you if you are choosing the wrong goals. After cutting through the reality of the 'why' we fail instead of the 'what' we fail doing, Matt shows you how to stop failing in the future, a full proof method of choosing the right goals, and then build on your success.  Matt's book gives you one of the most in-depth 'how to' methods you've ever experienced...taking you from last year’s successes to fixing your failures, from understanding your routes to success to setting your calendar up for achieving goals. Topics include - How to 'undo' the past - cutting ties with the failures - The keys to understanding why you fail, not what you fail doing - Success planning for all areas of your life - Creating attainable goals you'll be able to achieve - The psychology and neurology of failure and how to change quickly - Learning from failure - how avoiding failure is a failure - How to reduce stress and increase time management - Understanding and using the four kinds of 'success capital' you have right now - Productivity planner and planning using the Hierarchy of Attainability - A method for achieving even the hardest goals immediately...plus much much more.  Check out the interview to see how Matt's power packed information on "Brain Wiring" will better help you achieve success!

If you've been in sales or business for long, you know that a "referred" lead is 10 times better than most cold calls.  On this episode, Kurt and Steve interview Donald Kelly, the Sales Evangelist about how you can double your referrals! Just like most of you, Donald Kelly is a real life B2B sales professional hustling in the world of software sales. If you're like him, you had no clue how to really sell when you started in sales. Over the years, Donald has received training/coaching from some of the industry’s leading experts. He applied what he was learning and started seeing a significant difference in his performance and income. He started doing “BIG THINGS”! He personally feels that when you find something of value you should share it! That’s why he love sales so much. He became very passionate and started “evangelizing” about sales and was dubbed “The Sales Evangelist”. Donald offers some of the top training on sales and referral generation in the market today!

Well, it's finally over.  The 2016 presidential election is in the books.  Wow.  Just wow!  Kurt and Steve discuss the election and some of the tactics used by both sides that ultimately led to the victory by Donald Trump. If you’ve ever conducted research on relieving stress, you’ve undoubtedly come across advice stating that a key factor for reducing your level of stress is to try to live more in the present moment. Most of the feelings that cause us stress, like anger and worry, are born from reliving moments in the past or trying to predict what will come in the future. We’re told to slow down, appreciate the here and now, and let go of the things we cannot do anything about. Unfortunately for most of us, as time goes by and technology evolves, it seems to become harder and harder to do that. We are bombarded by flashing lights, electronic tones and endless notifications prompting us to think about everything except what we are doing right now, at this very moment. You’ve most likely had at least one notification of some kind pop up on your computer or cell phone in the time it took you to read this far. We are constantly on the move, our minds are continually racing, and we are, mentally, always somewhere else. Author Eckhart Tolle may have put it best when he wrote the following lines in his book, “The Power Of Now”. Tolle writes, “All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” It is possible for anyone to ease stress in their life by simply learning to be more mindful of the present, keeping their mind from running off into the past or the future and focusing on abundance. Except for very few specific circumstances in life, stress does not exist in the present, it only exists in the mind. Many studies have been conducted, which prove that hypnosis can have outstanding effects on reducing stress and anxiety. One such study looked at the effects of hypnosis when used to deal with stress experienced by first-year medical students as they dealt with exams. Results showed that those students who used self-hypnosis techniques experienced much lower levels of distress during exam periods. Hypnosis can help you to live more in the moment and reduce the stress in your life by allowing you to reach a relaxed mental state more easily. Hypnosis can help you remove the triggers that cause worry and anxiety, helping to stop runaway thoughts and allowing you to maintain your focus on the present moment. You will be able to enjoy life again, regain that young at heart feeling, and let go of all those things outside of your control that have worked their way into your subconscious.

Kurt and Steve start this episode by discussing how we can achieve effective presence as a persuader.  Kurt also laments the end of boating season.  They then continue their discussion about dealing with difficult people...specifically delving into low self esteem. One easy way to boost someone’s esteem is to offer sincere, genuine thanks.  Show a little gratitude for what they have done or even will do.  Never assume that they know how much you care or appreciate them.  Many leaders feel that the paycheck is enough to show thanks.  Sure most people like the money, but if you look at the complaints of people in the workplace, the top 5 are all esteem and ego related, not money related.  These people will either leave the company or do just the minimum at their job.  One of the main reasons you see dissatisfaction in the workplace is because they were never thanked or given any recognition for their efforts.  At first it might seem a bit unnatural to use thanks and gratitude, since of most of us have not experienced an environment where doing so was common, but it’s worth the energy and effort.  Praise not only is the right thing to do, but gives them sense of job security. It is important to be able to read people and understand the signals of low self esteem.  It might be the opposite of what you think.  It could be bullying, always having to be right, gossiping, quick to take offense, or resentment of others.   Charismatic people have the ability to read these signs and enhance their self esteem.  There has always been a link between esteem and performance.  Boosting their esteem increases their confidence, they have better attitudes and they perform better.  I am not saying you can never say anything negative or critical.  I just want you to be aware that one negative comment has more emotional impact than ten positive comments.  Just keep in mind that the use of praise affects us to the very core, so use it properly.  

On this episode, Kurt and Steve interview Jonah Berger.  Jonah is a Marketing Professor at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and a world-renowned expert on word of mouth, social influence, consumer behavior, and how products, ideas, and behaviors catch on. He has published dozens of articles in top‐tier academic journals, and popular accounts of his work often appear in places like The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Harvard Business Review. Berger is the bestselling author of multiple books including Contagious: Why Things Catch On (hundreds of thousands of copies are in print in over 30 languages) and Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior. Berger is a popular speaker at major conferences and events and often consults for companies like Apple, Google, GE, Coca‐Cola, Vanguard, 3M, Kaiser Permanente, Unilever, and The Gates Foundation.

We all have them in our lives: difficult people. Admit it...when you heard "difficult people" you automatically thought of a couple by name, didn't you! So what is a difficult person?  This person is difficult by nature and/or disagrees with you and may even actively work against you. For a difficult person, use these techniques: Find a common belief and establish a common ground. Use appropriate humor to break the ice. Don't start the presentation with an attack on their position. You are only trying to persuade on one point; don't talk about anything else that could trigger disagreement. Because of your differences, they will question your credibility. Increase your credibility with studies from experts or anything that will support your claim. They will try to find reasons to not like you; don't give them any. Don't tell them you are going to try to persuade them. Express that you are looking for a win-win outcome rather than a win-lose situation. Show them you've done your homework. Respect their feelings, values, and integrity. Use logical reasoning as clearly and as carefully as possible. Use the Law of Connectivity and the Law of Balance. (Maximum Influence)

On this episode, Kurt and Steve read some listener mail from an business owner who finds himself dealing with a lot of calls from prospects just wanting quotes.  They discuss how the power of "no" can draw prospects into a conversation where actual value can be established. This then unfolds to a discussion about the power of questions. Of all the tools in your persuasion toolbox, questioning is probably the one most often used by Power Persuaders. Questions are used in the persuasion process to create mental involvement, to guide the conversation and to find out what your prospect needs. Questioning is a very diverse and useful tool. An important study observed hundreds of negotiators in action in an attempt to discover what it takes to be a top negotiator. Their key finding was that skilled negotiators ask more than twice as many questions as average negotiators. How do you form a good question? First, design your questions ahead of time. The structure of your questions dictates how your listener will answer them. When asked to estimate a person's height, people will answer differently depending on whether the question asked is "How tall is he?" versus "How short is he?" In one study, when asking how tall versus how short a basketball player was, researchers received dramatically different results. The "how tall" question received the guess of 79 inches whereas the "how short" question received the guess of 69 inches. Words have a definite effect on how people respond. "How fast was the car going?" suggests a high speed, but "At what speed was the car traveling?" suggests a moderate speed. "How far was the intersection?" suggests the intersection was far away. One facet of questioning is the use of leading questions. Stanford professor Elizabeth Loftus researched how leading questions influenced eyewitness testimonies. In one project, her subjects watched a one-minute multiple-car accident. One group was asked, "About how fast were the cars going when they smashed into each other?" The second group was asked, "How fast were the cars going when they hit?" The third group was asked, "How fast were they going when they contacted?" The first group estimated that the cars were going about 40.8 miles an hour, the second group estimated 34 miles an hour, and the third group estimated 31.8 miles an hour.  The same question led to three different answers just by using different words. Leading questions not only alter the way we interpret facts, but they also influence what we remember. In another study conducted by Loftus, subjects who were asked, "Did you see the broken headlight?" were three times more likely to answer yes than subjects who were asked, "Did you see a broken headlight?" When you are probing for information, it is a good idea to ask open-ended questions. It is too easy to respond to a question that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." For example, instead of saying, "Do you wish you had decided differently?" ask, "How did you feel after you made that decision?" Then the person's answer can be used to lead into your more detailed questions—"Why did you make that decision?" or "What do you wish you could change about your decision?"— without seeming to intrusive. A good rule of thumb is to start with the easiest questions first. You want to draw your audience into the conversation and help them feel relaxed and comfortable. People are encouraged by answers they know are right. Begin the conversation by starting with a general topic instead of a specific subject. You need to get the wheels in your listeners' minds rolling before you ask them to answer the more specific questions.

On this episode, Kurt and Steve interview Rob Kendall, of www.conversationexpert.com.  Rob has devoted his life to understanding how humans converse with one another and what makes them go wrong...and right.  Rob its the author of BlameStorming and WorkStorming. If you know that you need to have a challenging conversation, it’s worth preparing thoroughly for it. The preparation time may be disproportionate to the length of the conversation itself, but if the conversation’s important enough, your preparation will rarely be wasted. As a friend of mine was always told, ‘Prepare thoroughly and deviate with confidence’. There are a number of things to consider: 1. Time and place. What’s the appropriate time and place for the conversation? If you squash it in between other meetings, you have no leeway for it to overrun. Is it best to have it now or later? And is it best to stay in the office or would it be more conducive to have it outside? 2. Set it up to succeed. Would it be beneficial for the other person to know (broadly) in advance what it’s about, or not? At a minimum, you may want to make sure that they’ve cleared enough time in their diary, so they don’t arrive and say they only have 15 minutes free. 3. Set the context. Once you meet up, make clear to them what you want to speak about. If you beat about the bush too much, the other person will wonder what on earth’s going on, and may not even be clear what you’ve said. 4. Make your commitment clear. This is vital and can often be missed. When you start a difficult conversation, you need to set the context. Take this example of Mia, who’s given some feedback by her boss. She’s highly regarded at work and is seen as someone with the potential for promotion in the coming year, but her boss assumes she knows this and starts their conversation by saying: As you know, we’ve gathered some feedback from your colleagues and there are a few areas that have come to light that I want to discuss.’ Mia’s immediately on the defensive, while her boss is surprised that she’s not being more constructive. It would help if he began by saying: ‘Mia, you’re highly valued and we’re really keen for you to progress to a more senior role. You’re already exceptionally strong in some areas, and need to develop in others.’ 5. Make the distinction between ‘facts’ and ‘stories’ or ‘opinions’. A fact may be: ‘You’ve been late 3 times in the last 10 working days’. A story or opinion would be: ‘You’re unreliable.’ There is nothing intrinsically wrong with having opinions, but it’s better to state it this way: ‘I have an opinion that you’re unreliable.’ 6. Acknowledge their perspective. Ask them questions so that you can understand their perspective (this doesn’t mean you have to agree with it). And then listen. If you’re not prepared to listen, don’t bother asking, but don’t expect much engagement from them either. Prior to a meeting most people spend their time thinking about what they want to say, but it may be even more important to consider what questions you want to ask. 7. Get clear what’s going to happen next. Obviously this depends on the situation, but it’s worth agreeing together a clear action or a date to review things after some reflection time. 8. Be aware. Lastly, be aware that – however well you conduct the conversation – what you say might come as a shock to the other person. In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross introduced a hypothesis based on her work with terminally ill patients. In the majority of cases she found that patients went through a spectrum of different emotional states: beginning with denial then leading to anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Her model has since been adapted to fit a broader set of situations where someone receives unwelcome news. The instinctive response is often to deny it, followed by feelings of anger, withdrawing to lick their wounds, and finally coming round to acceptance.

The food industry is more successful than it's ever been.  Food is cheap, accessible. And many of us are eating A LOT of it.  On this episode, Brian Wansink of the of the Food and Brand Lab of Cornell University joins Kurt and Steve.  

Brian is a leading expert in changing eating behavior – both on an individual level and on a mass scale – using principles of behavioral science. His research focuses on how ads, packaging, and personality traits influence the usage frequency and usage volume of healthy foods. His research on consumption volume has won national and international awards for its relevance to consumers. His findings have been widely featured on 20/20, BBC News, The Learning Channel, all news networks, and on the front pages of the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times. He is also  the author of Mindless Eating (2006) and Slim by Design (2014) as well as over 200 peer-reviewed journal articles. From 2007 until 2009 he was appointed by the White House as the USDA’s CNPP Executive Director in charge of the Dietary Guidelines for 2010 and the Food Guide Pyramid (MyPyramid.gov). He is a former bad open-mic comic and rock sax player. He lives with his wife and three girls in Ithaca, New York, where he enjoys both French food and French fries.

Worry

When your prospect is worried or preoccupied with something occurring now or could happen in the future. The wrong type of worry can hinder persuasion. Worry is feeling anxious, uneasy, or concerned about something that may happen, or has already happened. Worry creates anxiety which creates tension—a fear that occupies our thoughts, which if encouraged will grow and continue to dominate our thoughts. I have heard worry referred to as "negative goal setting."

You can combat worry in your prospects by modifying their anxiety. Bring them back to reality by having them realize we can't change many things in the past or forecast the future. Stress that most of the things we worry about are those very things we can't change or control and which won't likely ever happen in the first place. Help your prospects replace their negative mental images with positive ones.  Worry can also be caused by indecision.  Get them to make a series of minor decisions and their worry will decrease.

Anger

Anger is a secondary emotion. A prospect's anger is usually an indicator that something else is askew and that he needs or wants attention.  When we are angry – we want attention or action now. You can assist in diminishing his anger by determining the key issue he is upset about. It is also often effective to ask for his help, opinions, or advice. This will usually diffuse his anger or even change his attitude and demeanor completely. In some circumstances, you may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction. However when someone is angry they are more likely to blame someone else. In their mind it is not their fault. When they are sad they will usually blame the situation.

When people become angry they tend to rely on intuition or an educated guess.  Anger triggers non analytical information processing.   Anger causes us to use mental shortcuts to decide if the argument is right.  An experiment was done that induced anger. The participants that were angry tended to discriminate between weak and strong persuasive arguments more than those in a neutral mood.  In other words, those that were angry tended to be more influenced by heuristic cues (intuition) than those in a sad or neutral mood.

Did you know that money can buy happiness? A recent study published in “Psychology Today” shows just that. Kurt and Steve discuss the ins and outs of this study and how money certainly can buy happiness…up to a point.

Continuing off of recent episodes, Kurt and Steve cover how we can overcome objections before they ever occur in the first place. This concept is called “inoculation.” The term comes from the medical field, where patients are given a weak form of a virus so that their body can develop an immunity to it. This same concept happens on the psychological level. If we can introduce a weak form of the objection to our prospects, they will be better prepared for when the real one comes along at a later date.

For example, do most of your prospects end up looking for more bids from competitors? Or do they end up getting serious resistance from friends and family? Letting them know very subtly that this will happen beforehand helps them avoid the shock and disappointment that will later surface. They’ll think “hey, you know what? He told me that the competitors would say this, or that my family would think that.”

This even applies when raising children. Unfortunately we know that at some point kids will be exposed to and given the opportunity to take drugs. Pretending this won’t happen just increases the chances that they will be influenced by a drug dealer and not by you as a parent. Letting them know in advance “hey Jr, at some point somebody is going to offer you drugs. If you say know they’ll call you chicken, they’ll make fun of you, etc. But just say no no matter what and come talk to me about it. It’s okay.”

You can’t, nor should you, inoculate against everything. Just pick the two or three most common objections your prospects have and pre solve them with stories, examples, statistics, and testimonials!

Labels

 

Let’s explore the space between offer and acceptance – the space between “yes” and “no” is labels.

 

“It seems like…” “It sounds like…” “It looks like…”  (Followed by an effective pause.)

 

 

It’s critical to not “step” on your label by following it with a question or some sort of an explanation. You’ve got to let them sink in.

 

“It seems like there’s some flexibility in this package?”

 

“It sounds like there’s more here?”

 

“It seems like you have some ranges in mind?”

 

“It looks like you’ve used certain criteria to come up with this offer?”

 

Labels are a great way to gather more information and to test positions.  They do it in a way that doesn’t make people feel backed into a corner. They’re effective in place of questions where basically you’d normally be looking for just a “yes” or a “no” and they always get more information. They open up dialog in a really gentle, yet quietly firm way.

 

Salary negotiations are particularly important because as I’ve said before, people are testing you as both a co-worker and an ambassador. They really don’t want you to be a push-over and they don’t want you to be a jerk. Salary negotiations shouldn’t be limited to just salary. Salary pays your mortgage but terms build your career.

 

“It seems like there’s a bigger picture here for this position?”

 

“It looks like your company has a future vision I fit into.”

 

“It seems like this position fits a broader need within the company.”

 

“It looks like there’s some built in opportunities for professional development?”

 

“It looks like this position fits a critical need.”

 

These labels can also be expressed as statements or questions (upward inflection – question; downward inflection – statement).

 

Employers appreciate someone with insight who “gets it”. Labels are a great way to demonstrate competence and insight. Both of these are characteristics that either merit a higher offer now, or position you for one down the line.

 

Please remember, plan for your success with good terms within the overall package that build your career. Labels help you flesh that out and build the success of both your career and your employer!

It is human nature to mirror and match, or to “synchronize” with, the people we connect with.28 We don’t even think about it. It happens so quickly and so subconsciously that without a replay, one is unlikely to even notice it.29 What if you were aware of it? Could it be used to help you be even more persuasive? Research says definitely yes. When you mirror your audience, you build rapport with them.

            Mirroring operates at a subconscious level and demonstrates that the parties are starting to synchronize and get into rapport. People are inclined to follow and obey those they perceive as similar to themselves. If they shift in their posture, you should eventually do so, too. If they cross their legs, you should cross your legs as well. If they smile, you smile, too. When you mirror them, they will subconsciously feel that you have much more in common with them than may actually be the case. Why is this so? He likes you because you are like him. He perceives you the same way he perceives himself. When using mirroring and matching, you want your audience to subconsciously say, “It feels like I have known you for years.” Mirroring speeds up the process of connecting and effectively communicating with anyone.

            Obviously, it is imperative that mirroring and matching come across as natural. Great persuaders know how to mirror or reflect their audience’s actions, not to imitate them. If people think you are imitating them, they may feel mocked and become offended. They will see you as phony, and they will no longer trust you. Instead of directly imitating, just mirror or match the overall tone and demeanor of your prospect. You can safely mirror things such as language, posture, gestures, and mood. The reality is that mirroring is the best predictor of rapport.30

 

You can develop rapport by mirroring your audience in the following areas:

• Emotional state
• Energy level
• Language
• Breathing rate
• Voice patterns and inflections
• Mood

If all my talents and powers were to be taken from me by some inscrutable Providence, and I had my choice of keeping but one, I would unhesitatingly ask to be allowed to keep the power of speaking, for through it I would quickly recover all the rest.                                                                            —Daniel Webster

Have you happened to notice the dramatic changes that have evolved in presentations, communication, and training over the last twenty years? The basic focus used to be on education. Now, the latest research is all about how to grab your audience’s attention and then maintain their interest. We can no longer focus simply on educating; we must now entertain. We must keep our audiences mentally engaged.

Great persuaders can maintain the attention of their audience. Research shows that people’s attention spans are getting shorter and shorter. You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian, but you do have to make sure your audience sticks with you, your words resonate with them, they pay attention, and they understand you. The moment you lose their attention, you can no longer persuade them. You could have a great Website, be a sharp dresser, publish a great brochure, or have any manner of impressive credentials. The reality is, however, that the number-one persuasion tool is you, and a big part of how you present yourself is through your communication. Long gone are the days of counting on the subject matter to speak compellingly for itself, compensating for your inadequacies as a presenter. Nowadays, you’ve got to get inside your audience’s minds, and you’ve got to get there fast. It can take only seconds before people’s minds start to wander. To combat this tendency, you have to educate, inspire, and entertain with passion, compassion, and purpose.

Great persuaders are great communicators. Well-known motivational speaker and best-selling author Jim Rohm said it best: “When I learned how to effectively persuade and communicate, my income went from six digits to seven digits.” Your communication skills are critical for your success, yet this is another set of overlooked skills that are not effectively taught in school. Communication includes phone skills, face-to-face interactions, group presentations, and even email.

Most persuaders feel, incorrectly, that they have above-average communication skills. Are yours “above average” too? Our research shows that 34 percent of persuaders feel they have mastered the ability to effectively communicate. However, by talking to your audience, we know that your presentation and communication mastery was rated at only 11 percent. Great persuaders work on their presentation skills on a continual basis. There is always something to fine-tune and improve.

The studies show that, on average, a persuader communicates six to eight features of his product or service to his audience, but the average person will only remember one, two, or three of them. In over 40 percent of cases, the person will remember one of the features incorrectly. In 30 percent of cases, the person remembers a feature that was never even mentioned by the persuader. (Ouch!) We also found that 93 percent of persuadees misunderstood some part of a persuader’s message. The worst part is that most of them did not ask a question or even try to seek clarification. Remember, a confused mind says no. A “confused mind,” has to think about it. A “confused mind,” will get back to you. A confused mind is hard to persuade and influence.

Capturing Attention Immediately

What can you do in the first thirty seconds of your encounter to capture your audience’s attention? Can you prove to them that you are worth listening to? Think about this: Every time you communicate with someone, they are paying with either time or money. Your audience is rooting for you; they want you to succeed. They don’t want their time or money wasted any more than you want to waste it. Then why is it getting wasted?

Sometimes when you’re approaching something new, figuring out what you should not do is just as important as figuring out what to do. Let’s first take a look at some communication “complaints.”

 

• Speaking in a monotone.
• Avoiding eye contact.
• Fidgeting and other annoying mannerisms.
• Using vocal fillers (“uhm,” “uh,” etc.).
• Lacking any emotion or conviction.
• Sounding mechanical or rehearsed.
• Rushing through the presentation, speaking too fast.
• Talking down to the audience.

• Not finding common ground.
• Failing to help the audience see value in the presentation.
• Pushing or pressuring the audience.
• Overloading the audience with too much information.
• Being disorganized, jumping from one point to the next without any flow.
• Not checking environment beforehand to limit interruptions and distractions.
• Exhibiting poor listening skills.
• Saying the wrong things at the wrong moments.

• Not adapting to the particular personality or personalities you’re working with.
• Displaying nervousness and fear.
• Jumping to conclusions.
• Constantly interrupting.
• Pushing a predetermined, one-sided solution.
• Listening selectively.
• Not being in tune with audience emotions.
• Allowing personal emotions to get involved.   
• Being knowledgeable in an arrogant way.

The good news is most of these things are easily remedied once they are pointed out. We just don’t realize how often we commit them. Great persuaders have found their presentation weaknesses. They record themselves as they present and talk on the phone. Recording yourself will let you step into your audience’s shoes and give you a true-to-life representation that’s easy to evaluate. Plus, there won’t be any second-guessing—the recording doesn’t lie. Sure, it can be a painful exercise, but you will gain invaluable insights that cannot be found in any other way. Remember what they say: “No pain, no gain.” Great persuaders will endure a little pain to maintain their high income.

After discussing a few recent business trips, and of course, the food they ate on those trips, Kurt and Steve discuss a classic blunder: overuse of fear.  Fear is a useful tactic when persuading others.  It is very short term, however.  Kurt and Steve review some techniques to use fear effectively. 

Steve then interviews Kim Ades of Frame of Mind Coaching.  Kim's company is designed specifically to meet the needs of ambitious, highly driven, and successful individuals who want to transform their lives to achieve their biggest goals. 

During this interview, Steve asks Kim about how using a coach can help you see pitfalls that you were never even aware of.  Oftentimes, enhancing productivity involves busy people understanding what it is they really want in the first place and challenging assumptions that they thought were true.  You'll love this interview!

 

You can use conversational skills as a tool with which to build new connections, while avoiding awkward pauses and uncomfortable conversations. After all, making a good first impression is all about making others feel good when spending time with each of you. Great conversationalists are made, not born.

The following tips will help you make a positive impression every time:

• Don’t rush through conversations. Take your time, and be sure to remember names and use them frequently during conversations.
• Show an interest in every person you meet. By showing an interest you are creating a favorable impression of yourself. People, even shy ones, like to talk about themselves, so let them.
• Be prepared. Before entering an event, take a couple minutes and think of at least three conversation topics. Remind yourself of what you may already know about fellow attendees. Their hobbies, activities or interests. If you happen to encounter an uncomfortable silence, these conversation points will always come in handy.
• Always maintain eye contact. Eye contact is an easy way to make others feel comfortable, important, and special.
• Act confident through your body language, even if you are not. Nervous body language {twisting your hair, slouching shoulders, constant hand rubbing} can make others uncomfortable and anxious. Try to be aware of your body language when interacting with others.
• Be a careful listener. By listening intently to what others are saying, you are not only making them feel important, but you can gather cues you need to keep the conversation going and bridge to new topics.
• Don’t interrogate a conversational partner. Questions like: “Where are you from?” “Are you married?” “What do you do for a living?” can stop a conversation before it ever really starts.
• Be respectful of the opinions of others. Not everyone agrees on things, and friendly disagreements can be a gateway to a great conversation. Offer your opinion of your favorite football team, the state of public education today, or the future of the space program. Be sure to follow up with “What do you think?”, or “Tell me your opinion.”
• Have exit lines prepared. You will probably want to mingle with several people around the room.

 

Have you ever felt like you put in a bunch of work only to pave the way for your competitor?  Many persuaders inadvertently do this only to find out too late that they lost the deal.  The key to avoiding this is generating genuine scarcity.  To create genuine scarcity, make sure you have as much of the following in place:

What is your message? What do you have to share that will make a difference in people’s lives? What is your main objective, the key thing you hope to accomplish? You’ve got to understand the big picture. Then, with the big picture in mind, you have to get more specific. Do you have a clear vision of how your product, service, or idea will help your audience? You’ve got to know your product inside and out, its pros and cons and how it stacks up against the competition. Use the following list, distilled from the work of great persuaders, to give some direction to your process of preparing and refining your message:

 

•           What do I want to accomplish?

•           If I had to boil my message down to three main points, what would they be?

•           How can I demonstrate my expertise?

•           How can I increase my trustworthiness with this audience?

•           What are the emotional reasons that will prompt my audience to respond?

•           What are the logical reasons that will prompt my audience to respond?

•           What is my “call to action”?

•           What are some alternatives to my initial proposal?

•           Does my plan have any potential pitfalls?

•           What are the top five doubts or objections I will encounter? How will I respond?

•           What information should I gather about my audience? My competition?

When Steve asked Kurt how he was doing before the show started, he did not expect that Kurt would tell him that he just got done dealing with a bear in his backyard.  Well, he didn't deal with it...animal control did.  But we're proud that Kurt didn't scream like a little girl when it happened!  Here's a picture:

Kurt and Steve also give some sound advice that was once also given by the leading salesman of a Northeastern mid-size paper supply company.  The advice is timeless and will echo through the ages. 

After an unusual amount of banter, Kurt and Steve decide to get into something that matters: negotiation.  Clients and customers expect to play the game.  So what do you do if there is no game to play? 

It is a natural tendency for us to take in information and interpret it in a manner that will best serve our personal wants and needs. We do not always do this consciously. What’s more, the converse is also true in that we often pass over information that is critical to understanding the other side, particularly when the other side is in conflict with us. We naturally enhance our own position while vilifying the opposition’s. The result is that perceptions and beliefs are based on information that is highly inaccurate and exaggerated. Especially striking examples of this oppositional bias are seen in the Israelis and Palestinians or the Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland.

A famous Harvard study involved giving some executives insider information about one company’s plans to acquire another. The executives were randomly assigned to role play the part of either the buyer or the seller. Unbeknownst to them, the information given to each side was identical. After analyzing the information, the executives each had to give their private assessment of the company’s fair value (as opposed to how they might present that value in negotiations). Not surprisingly, the executives playing the part of “seller” gave values that were more than double those offered by those who were playing the role of “buyers.” Interestingly, the results were driven by what would best serve the party in her/his randomly assigned role.

It is to be expected that each negotiating side will bring its own biases to the table. Simply knowing that these biases exist will help those involved in negotiation to not be caught off guard. Put yourself in the other side’s shoes and think of what their most powerful case could be. This empathizing tactic always sheds light on new thoughts and ideas that you might not have thought of otherwise. Lastly, it will never hurt you to seek the input of an uninvolved third party.

Let’s talk a bit about deception.  I don’t need to say it here, but I will.  Deception is wrong and does trigger incongruence.  On the flip the side the challenge you could have is that when you get nervous or uneasy you might be showing signs or deception.  What I am saying here is that even if you are telling the truth and think you are congruent, you might be sending signals of incongruency and deception.  The audience can’t always identify exactly what is making them distrustful, but they feel that way and that is all that matters to them.  What happens is we all have micro expressions that happen so rapidly the conscious mind can’t see them, but the subconscious can sense them.  These are quick mannerisms in the face that reveal deception or nervousness.  Another one that causes an increase in their deception radar is a disconnect between your emotion and your reaction.  For example if you make an angry face, then hit the table with your hand 5 seconds later, that would be an obvious red flag you are not feeling that emotion.  Careful that you are congruent with every aspect of your message.

Everyone can pick up on your nonverbal behavior.  We sense something is not quite right.  Others will sense when there is any form of incongruence or deception radiating from you.  Be aware that many of your nonverbal behaviors that you are currently doing will trigger incongruence.  It might be a natural part of your behavior, but it could look like deception.  Things that could trigger deception:

 

• Forced eye contact
• Shifting back in chair
• Rubbing or touching lips
• Scratching your face
• Dilated pupils
• Yawning
• Pitch of voice rising   

It's the 4th of July, so Kurt and Steve did what they do best: took their boats out and bbq'd!  Back by popular demand, however, is the episode they did on Charismatic Power.  Check it out!

 

1. "He kept his promises." Promises made during the persuasion process are fulfilled. Persuaders are honest and realistic in what they promise—they don't build false hopes or expectations. They "underpromise and overdeliver"—not the other way around!
2. "She's really dependable." Successful persuaders proactively give their audience the attention they deserve, doing everything in their power to resolve any problem or concern. They are reliable; nothing stops them from getting the job done or from getting a call back.
3. "He's clearly very well trained." Successful persuaders know the ins and outs of their product, including its strengths and weaknesses and how it stacks up against the competition. A great persuader is always an expert on the product, service, or idea he is handling.
4. "She was very sincere, very genuine." Real persuaders don't act like they're just out for a hefty commission. They are sincerely interested in their audience and have their best interests in mind.
5. "I consider him a friend." Taking the time to build rapport pays off. Personable, likable, caring, and friendly persuaders make the grade. They know that people buy from people they like.
6. "She'd never argue with us." A good persuader is not so bent on making a point that she argues with her prospects. She is not consumed with her own need to be right; she knows she will not persuade by demonstrating that her audience is wrong, misinformed, or uneducated.
7. "He provides solutions that work!" Helping an audience visualize their success brings the persuader and audience together to illustrate how the product or service will get them there.
8. "She always takes 100 percent responsibility." No matter what happens, a great persuader accepts full responsibility for results. When challenges present themselves, she deals with those challenges rather than making excuses.
9. "I can tell he is really behind his products." Successful persuaders love what they offer. They know they cannot get someone to believe in their product more than they do.
10. "She is honest." It is always clear where a great persuader stands. She is always honest with herself and with others. From this position of strength, she is the audience's friend, advisor, and advocate.
11. "He's really entertaining—his visits are always a treat." Winning persuaders are fun and enjoyable to talk to. They help others feel good about themselves and put smiles on people's faces. They are full of charisma, love to be around people, and are the ones to bring light to a room. Their presentations are lively, engaging, and informative.

You know we love talking about "Negotiaton's Dirty Deeds."  A recent article by the Harvard Business Review gave some great pointers on deflecting some of the more common negotiation tactics.  

One of the best ways to insure a smooth transaction is through managing your clients expectations correctly.  Persuaders are most effective when they're persuading, not when they're stuck resolving client questions and concerns that could have been avoided in the first place.  On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss this very issue.  

Expectations as Assumptions: Expect with Confidence

Consider the profound impact this can have in your own life. Are the assumptions and expectations you have about yourself (or others) liberating or victimizing? There are countless examples of "self-fulfilling prophecies," or the Law of Expectations at work in everyday life. Ever notice how people who think they're going to be fired suddenly experience a drop in the quality and enthusiasm for their work? Then what happens? They get fired! Their belief causes them to act a certain way, and those expectations then work to bring about the very thing that at first was only a figment of their imagination.

There was a study done on a military base that was used to train combat soldiers.  They created two groups of soldiers of equal aptitude and were randomly selected into three groups.  Now these 3 groups were assigned 3 different types of instructor’s.  One was high expectancy, regular expectancy and unspecified expectancy.  We already know the high expectancy group that was expected to perform better, scored significantly higher on achievement tests, felt more positive and had better attitudes.

In another study, second graders listened to statements from their teachers before taking a math test. There were three types of statements: expectation, persuasion, or reinforcement. The expectation statements went something like, "You know your math really well!" or "You work really hard at your math." Persuasion statements involved sentences like, "You should be good at math." or "You should be getting better math grades." Finally, for the reinforcement statements, teachers said things like, "I'm really happy about your progress" or "This is excellent work!" Now, what do you think the results were? The scores were the highest in the "expectation" category! Why were the expectation statements the most effective? They created personal assumptions within each student. Those assumptions conditioned the actual external results.

This can also be called implicit priming.  Let’s look at a few studies and how to apply this.  A study was done where they asked participants to complete a scrambled sentenced in a puzzle.  They were shown various groups of words to create these sentences.  Some of the participants were shown rude type words (obnoxious, aggressively, annoyingly, disturb, interrupt, impolitely).

The other group was shown polite type words (respect, courteous, considerate, patiently, polite, and behaved).  When they went to the next room to complete a second task they would find the experimenter with another student trying to explain a task that the student could not comprehend. The group that was primed with the rude words waited an average of 5.5 minutes and the group primed with the polite words waited an average of 9.3 minutes.

Here is an interesting study. Watch how these numbers prime your brain. Participants were given this set of numbers and were told to estimate (not calculate) the answer in 5 seconds.

8 x 7 x 6 x 5 x 4 x 3 x 2 x 1

Than they would find another person to estimate the following numbers:

1 x 2 x 3 x 4 x 5 x 6 x 7 x 8

Now logically we know the estimation should be the same for both (40,320). Remember one group was primed with the 8 in front of the problem and the other group was primed with the 1 in front of the problem. The average estimation for the first problem was 2250. The average estimation for the second problem was 512.  Isn’t it interesting how no one even came close to the right answer.

Francis Bacon once said, "Knowledge itself is power." Knowledge power is based on proficiency in a certain subject, procedure, or situation. Remember that you are the expert. People can be persuaded if they think you have more knowledge or expertise than they do. For example, lawyers, mechanics, and doctors possess knowledge power. People rely on these professionals' opinions, believe what they say, and trust implicitly what they do because of the extent of schooling or experience they have. We accept the arguments and data of people we assume have knowledge, whether it's real or perceived. In addition to coming from formal education and training, knowledge power also comes from life experience and innate intelligence and aptitude.

Great persuaders use three different types of knowledge power: informational, resource, and expertise:

1.  Informational power. When you know something others need to know, you hold power over them. Informational power is exercised when someone needs, wants, or desires the information, facts, or data you possess. As Aristotle Onassis said, "The secret of business is to know something that no one else knows."

2.  Resource power. If you have access to key persons, commodities, goods, or services that are valued by others, you hold some power over them. As the saying goes, "It's not what you know; it's who you know." Are you perceived as having the right affiliations? What connections do you have?

3.  Expertise power. When you have special skill sets, expertise, or knowledge that others believe is relevant to their needs and which exceeds their own, they will do what you say or listen to your opinions. Why are you the expert?

 

On this episode, Kurt and Steve interview Wes Schaeffer, the Sales Whisperer!

There are ways to start implementing empathy in your daily contacts and conversations.  It does take some practice and evaluation.  After every encounter ask yourself what do you do well and what can you do better next time.  Try these steps to increase your empathy.

•           Mentally prepare yourself to hear the message

•           Listen with your ears, heart and mind

•           Read their body language

•           Evaluate the true message sent          

•           Acknowledge the feelings and emotions being displayed

•           Practice taking on their perspective

•           Respond with empathy

 

Sure empathy takes some effort, but it is worth every moment until you perfect this skill.  You will be more trustworthy, empathetic, charismatic and it also increases productivity and inspires commitment.  Our rushed modern life does not cultivate the mindset or skills of empathy.  You need to look for opportunities to develop empathy.  Just start off by asking yourself two questions during your conversations.    “How would I feel if I were that person?” and “Why are they feeling that way?”  Practice that today.  Find one person you can demonstrate empathy and show them you truly care.

Happy Memorial Day!, 

If you're not in the US, we hope you had a great Monday, May 30!

If you have a tough negotiation coming up where your opponent will play the empathy card, we have good news. Acetaminophen can dull your sense of empathy! So next time you need to negotiate, pop some tylenol and turn yourself into a cold blooded shark of a negotiator.  

How Moods Can Affect Persuasion

Moods affect our thinking, our judgment, and our willingness to say yes. When the person you are trying to persuade is in a good mood, they are more likely to accept your offer. The opposite is also true. If they're not in a good mood, chances are much higher they won't bite. This is a huge advantage to you when it comes to persuasion. Great persuaders create the right mood. Great persuaders actually put people in a happy state. When we are feeling happy, we tend to think happy thoughts and to retrieve happy ideas and experiences from memory. Conversely, when we are in a negative mood, we tend to think unhappy thoughts and to retrieve negative information from memory.

If you can influence the mood, you minimize the likelihood of objections and resistance. How do you influence mood? The most important thing is to make sure you are in a good mood yourself. Even if your audience is in a good mood initially, a bad mood on your part will quickly dampen their spirits (even if you are trying to hide it). Then, your chances at successful persuasion decrease significantly.

One particular study demonstrated just how much the moods and attitudes of those around us influence our responses. Three individuals sat down to a meal together—two who were in on the study, and one who was unknowingly being evaluated on whether or not his companions altered his opinion of the food. The two conducted themselves in a very disagreeable manner and were unpleasant and contentious. On another occasion, this same individual was brought back to the same place and offered the same food. The only difference was he was given different table companions. This time around, the company was fun, interesting, and enjoyable. How do you think his evaluations of the food differed? You guessed it—the first evaluation was negative, while the second was positive, even though the food itself was identical from the one situation to the next.

There is evidence across the board that mood is a major factor in persuasion. Even simple mood-boosting methods like eating a good snack or listening to pleasant music have been shown to make people easier to persuade.  An interviewer who is in a good mood tends to assign higher ratings to job applicants.  Happy moods also increase creativity, which is critical for great persuaders.  Consumers who are in a good mood will be more aware of positive qualities in products or experiences they encounter.  And as any kid has already figured out, parents who are in good moods tend to be more lenient.

Just to reinforce the point, I will highlight one other study. The study was conducted in a hotel room that did not have a window or any other means by which the occupant could know what the weather was like. When the guest ordered room service, the server would describe the weather as cold and rainy, cold and sunny, warm and rainy, or warm and sunny. How do you think these pleasant or not-so-pleasant reports affected the amount of the server's tip? Interestingly, it did not seem to make much difference whether it was warm or cold, but when the weather was reported to be sunny, tips increased by 26.65 percent!

Did you know that if you think about what you ate earlier in the day, you're proven to snack less?  Kurt and Steve discuss a recent article by Psychology Today that studies this phenomenon.  

Size of packaging, color, position...all of these things subconsciously influence what your prospect buys...and how much they buy.  On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss some recent books and studies that delve into how much we eat...and why you should care as a persuader. 

Atmosphere can also include the tension in the air. Is there a rush, or are customers relaxed? What type of climate are you trying to create? Do you want a quick, fast decision, or do you want your customers to feel comfortable enough to stay for a while? An interesting study on what happens when you create an atmosphere of being rushed can be seen in the following example:

Princeton University psychologists John Darley and Daniel Batson wanted to see how students would respond if they were in a situation replicating the biblical account of the Good Samaritan.  As the story goes, a band of thieves beat, robbed, and left a man traveling alone by the roadside to die. A devout priest and a reputable Levite passed by. Neither of the men stopped to help the dying man. Finally, a Samaritan, stopped to help him. The Samaritan bound up his wounds, took him to an inn, and even paid the innkeeper to care for him until he returned.

Darley and Batson asked seminarians on a one-on-one basis to prepare and present a short speech on an assigned biblical topic. The test was set up so that on their way to the location where they would deliver their speech, each student would cross a man slumped over, coughing and groaning. Which students would actually stop and help? Before preparing their speeches, the students filled out a questionnaire asking why they had chosen to study theology. Then a variety of speech topics were assigned, including the story of the Good Samaritan. As the students were leaving to deliver their speeches, some were told, "You'd better hurry. They were expecting you about three minutes ago." Others were told, "They won't be ready for a few minutes, but you may as well head over now."

Now, most people would assume that seminarians stating on their questionnaires that they had chosen to study theology so they could help people and who were then assigned to speak on the Good Samaritan would be the ones most likely to stop and help the ailing man on their way. Interestingly, neither of those two factors seemed to make much of a difference. In fact, Darley and Batson stated, "Indeed, on several occasions, a seminary student going to give his talk on the parable of the Good Samaritan literally stepped over the victim as he hurried on his way." The element that seemed to be most influential was whether or not the student was rushed. Of the students who were told they were already a little late, only 10 percent stopped to help. Of the students who were told they had a little bit more time, 63 percent stopped to help.

We can learn from this example that we can create atmospheres where people are so involved that they ignore other factors they normally would not ignore.  On the flip side, if participants are too relaxed than they become difficult to persuade.

Kurt and Steve begin this episode by discussing how in anything we do, we default down to the level of our training.  Whether it's a sport, self defense, language, or persuasion...the mind and body default to what their trained to do when they are stressed.  Bottom line is when you need to persuade it's too late to learn!  Go to www.universityofpersuasion.com for some awesome ways you can train to be a better persuader!

This isn't a surprise to you, but walking through the first class cabin when boarding makes coach passengers more prone to "air rage."  Kurt and Steve discuss this article and how airlines are violating the law of expectations.  Airlines are such an easy one to criticize.  Almost as easy as politicians.  

How do you use mental programming effectively? The first step is to channel your emotional energies into specific desires. You're unlikely to get very far if you don't even have the desire in the first place. Embracing what's closest to your heart will unleash your greatest energy, imagination, and potential. And just like striking oil, you will experience a surge of greater productivity than you have ever had in your life. This burning desire will allow you to transform mediocre abilities into amazing successes…above and beyond what you ever thought possible.

After you have a specific desire in mind, let it simmer in your subconscious for awhile. Many great persuaders work on "programming" right before they fall asleep. As the conscious mind winds down, the subconscious mind kicks into gear. You can take advantage of this transition to turn your thoughts and desires over to the subconscious mind to work on. As you drift off to sleep, try to summon the feelings and emotions that will accompany your success. Vividly imagine the events, the people, and the places that will get you where you want to go.

The subconscious mind cannot discern that which is real from that which is vividly imagined. It will accept the positive or negative suggestions that it is given, particularly if they are accompanied by and reinforced with relevant feelings, emotions, and vivid details.  You can powerfully program your mind into believing certain things have actually happened. When your mind pre-accepts your victories as already won, you're halfway there. You'll find that promptings, instinct, and intuitions begin to emerge. You'll find yourself thinking, talking, and behaving in a more positive and productive way. In short, all of your energies will be aimed at your goals.

An interesting study was conducted with dentists, whereby an ad was put in the newspaper asking for people to participate in a painful dental procedure.11 The first amazing thing about it was that people actually showed up. During the first part of the study, the dentists were told that they would only pretend to use a painkiller on their patients. A placebo would actually be given. The dentists were instructed to do everything just as they would normally do during the procedure. Most of the patients in this half of the study felt pain during their dental procedure. During the second half of the study, the dentists were told to perform the exact same procedure, except this time they would be administering a real painkiller to their patients. When told that the dentist was going to numb their mouths, most of these patients did not feel pain. The reality was, however, that unbeknownst to dentist or patient, a placebo had again been administered again in place of the painkiller. Even though in the dentists’ minds they had performed the exact same procedure with both sets of patients, the first group of patients picked up on incongruities in the dentists’ behavior. Consciously or subconsciously, they knew that something was wrong and thus felt pain.

Are you congruent with your history, your last interaction, and your reputation? Does your nonverbal behavior match your actions? Are your emotions congruent with your message? What are your audience’s expectations of you and your message? When your past history and your message don’t match, flags of incongruity will wave in your audience’s face. Suspicion will be roused and your audience will start to look for things that are wrong with you or your message. This inconsistency will decrease your ability to gain influence and trust. That’s because humans are natural lie detectors. When we attempt to fake congruence, we must also spend our time and energy trying to fake our message.

How do you overcome this lack of credibility? Here are several ideas great persuaders use to boost their credibility:  

            1. In this very skeptical world your prospect is looking for a weakness. If you don’t give them some type of weakness (personal or product), they will assign a weakness for you. Great persuaders increase credibility by revealing an apparent weakness and turning that perceived weakness into a desired benefit.

            2. Credibility is enhanced by every minute of preparation. Great persuaders never “wing it” or leave anything to chance. If your audience ever feels you should know the answer but don’t, you have lost credibility. Plan, rehearse and polish your presentation. Always research your audience.

            3. Your audience is going to judge you in the first thirty seconds. How do you really look? How are you really coming across? Can you maintain eye contact? Is your appearance professional, polished, and what your audience expects.

            4. When you enter a low-credibility situation or when you audience does not know you, borrow the credibility from someone else. Who can endorse or recommend you? Who can introduce you that already has credibility with your audience? Learn to always ask and get testimonials from happy current clients.

            5. One of the quickest ways to lose your credibility is to badmouth the competition. You don’t have to resort to pulling down others to enhance your own product or service. If you can’t persuade based on the quality of your product or service, it is time to change careers. If the consumer needs to be legitimately warned about the competition, provide ways for them to find out for themselves.

            6. Pepper your presentation with credible facts, figures, statistics, or studies to reinforce your message. Never assume your audience thinks you are credible without using outside resources. Always remember to cite your sources.  Your audience will always believe someone else before they will start to believe you.

            7. Find ways to reveal your qualifications without coming across as a braggart. You need to reveal (or display) your expertise, qualifications, education, and experience so you will come across as the expert. The moment your audience accepts you as the expert, you have their undivided attention. Reveal to your audience why you are the expert and why you have earned the right to persuade about your product, service or idea.

One of the key ways to keep your competency on track is to be a lifetime learner. We consider others to be competent when we see them continually learning and advancing their training and education. I can remember going to buy computer products and discovering that I knew more about the product than the sales reps did (and I didn’t know much). In an attempt to cover up their lack of knowledge, these ill-informed salespeople tried to bluff their way through my questions. If they had kept themselves educated about the product, the field, and the industry, then they would not have lost my trust in them as competent professionals—and they would not have lost a customer. Learn to become the best in your field. Demonstrate you know your area of expertise. You should know more about your subject than 99 percent of the population.

 

The following are some specific ways you can gain and strengthen your competence, both actual and perceived:

 

• Degree(s)
• Professional standing
• Affiliations with respected organizations
• Publications
• Referrals
• Endorsements
• Reputation
• External surroundings
• Definite opinions
• Testimonials
• Passion

After briefly mentioning it on last week's episode, Kurt and Steve quickly learned that most have a lot of "feelings about" the urban phenomena, RBF (otherwise known as Resting Bitch Face).  So they dived in a little more and wouldn't you know it...there's an actual website that will tell you if you have it!  All we ask is that if you do, you send us your picture to maximizeyourinfluence@gmail.com.  We want to see what RBF looks like!

Ingratiation: Make Others Feel Important

Ingratiation is gaining favor by deliberate effort. Ingratiation techniques can include compliments, flattery, and agreeableness. Ingratiation can also involve a special recognition of someone such as, "We don't usually do this, but in your case I'm going to make an exception," or "I am personally going to take care of this matter and see that you get what you want." Many people consider ingratiation sucking up or brown-nosing, but it is an effective technique for making others more persuadable. The reason this strategy works is because The Law of Esteem increases likability and promotes an increase in their self-esteem

Research has demonstrated these conclusions about using ingratiation. In one study, "ingratiators" were perceived as more competent, motivated, and qualified for leadership positions by their supervisors.  In another study, subordinates who used ingratiation developed an increased job satisfaction for themselves, their coworkers, and their supervisor.  In yet another study, ingratiators enjoyed a 5 percent edge over noningratiators in earning more favorable job evaluations.  Ingratiation works even when it is perceived as a deliberate effort to win someone over. Our esteem is so starved that we accept any flattery or praise we can get. 

Interesting Ingratiation Facts

•           It is better to use one great effective ingratiation method, than lots of smaller ones or in other words, less is more.

 

•           Ingratiators will be judged more positively using opinion or compliments conformity by the prospect than by a bystander.

 

•           Ingratiation will always work better when we are using downward influence (coworker, employee, you are their manager)

 

•           When we are attempting upward influence. (boss, CEO, power player)  Using apology, self- deprecation are more successful when you are persuading up or there is a large difference in status.  Using favors or compliments have little effect.

 

•           When ingratiating someone and they know you have an ulterior motive and it is transparent it will likely fail and decrease their liking towards you.

The worst thing for a persuader is that your audience members probably won’t ever confront you about your dishonesty or deception. They are not going to tell you that they think you are lying. They’ll just never work with you again and they’ll then tell all their family and friends about the bad experience they had with you behind your back.

 

Even if you’re an honest person of admirable character, it is human nature for people to cast sweeping judgments and formulate opinions without all the facts.  So, if you want genuine trust and lasting persuasion, you must avoid even the slightest appearance of anything that might be considered dishonest.  If you never place yourself in a situation where one might be misled about you or your integrity, then your good, hard-earned reputation will never be compromised.  Don’t embellish the story to make it sound better; don’t omit certain information to cover your own skin.      

 

What are some nonverbal behaviors that will trigger incongruence and a sense of deception?

 

Forced eye contact

Shifting back in chair

Rubbing lips

Scratching your face

Dilated pupils

Yawning

Pitch of voice rising

self-perception bias

Ever wonder why others can’t smell their own stink? (perfume or body order)  We are good at judging others and finding out what is wrong with them, but that analysis does not seem to work on ourselves.  The same is true for our skills.  We have to have the ability to honestly access ourselves – both our strengths and weaknesses.  Then find the skills and the discipline to improve our faults.  We always will feel we must gloss over our weaknesses to make things seem better than they actually are. We also lie to ourselves about our incomes, our debt, and our true weight.  When you ask husbands and wives individually about what percent of the housework they each do – the numbers never add up.  Most people will rate their people skills as above average.  We all know that is not true.  If you want to see human blindness and bias in action, all you have to do is go to a sporting event as a neutral party and listen to the bias and comments of each opposing side.

 

The Research

To hit this point home we need to discover our own weaknesses and be honest with our own personal reality.  Let’s take a look at some of the studies on self perception bias.  To enhance your success and your influence, you need to know exactly what skills you have mastered and which ones you need work on.  Isn’t it amazing how we tend to overestimate everything from grades and physical appearance to the possibility of divorce.   If you were in sales and you were asked to rate your ability to connect with people or your product knowledge, you would be 90 percent likely to rate yourself above average on these skills, even though mathematically the validity of your assertion should be around 50 percent.     You know all those managers you have met over the years?  Over 90 percent of them will rate themselves better than the average manager.   Did you know 80% of individuals may perceive themselves as being brighter, better drivers and more able entrepreneurs than their average peers.   One study even found that most people believe they are more ___________ than the average person.  

•           Athletic

•           Intelligent

•           Organized

•           Ethical

•           Logical

•           Interesting

•           Fair-minded

•           Attractive 

 

The Solution

It is all about true self-assessment.  When I teach influence or self mastery seminars I ask my students to list the top ten reasons for their lack of success.  They find plenty of reasons why it is not their fault for their inability to achieve their goals, but they rarely take ownership of their weaknesses or admit that it could be them.  You can always ask yourself - What traits do I need to develop to take my life, my career and my income to the next level?  My research of human nature shows that there are five critical areas that most people assess to have much higher skills than they actually have.  When other people assess themselves of these skills, their scores are much lower.  These are the five areas.

 

1.         People skills/empathy

2.         Persistence/determination

3.         Communication/listening

4.         Personal mastery

5.         Persuasion skills

Keeping Attention:   A Bored Mind Says NO!

It is common sense to realize you have to keep your audience's attention in order to persuade them.  If you lose them, you lose your chance for them to understand and accept your proposal.  We know from our own personal experience that we tend to let our minds naturally drift when we are listening to other people.  We cannot focus on one item for too long unless we are forced to do so.  Master Persuaders can make a person want to pay attention and stay focused.  You may lose your audience’s attention from time to time but it is your job to bring them back to full attention status.  You can help your prospect lose track of time.

Some estimate that the average adult attention span is about 18 minutes.  What’s more, studies indicate that attention spans have been decreasing steadily over the past decade.  After our attention span is lapsed, we fall into boredom and no longer listen.  You have to be creative to maintain the mental involvement that is required to persuade a mind.  One way to keep the mind harnessed is to give your audience enough time to process what you are telling them. You can tell by the look in their eyes if you have lost them.  I'm sure you have taken seminars or college classes where you have been completely lost.  When the professor asks questions, you don't raise your hand because you have no idea what is going on.  Give your listeners enough time to absorb what you're saying, but obviously not so long that they become totally bored and detached.

 

Some more ideas on ways to help people choose to pay attention:

 

•Use questions                                   

•Make startling statements

•Use quotes                            

•Change mediums

•Speak in the first person       

•Present new and innovative ideas

 

You can see that these techniques are used to grab back the attention of your listeners when their minds have started wandering.  Employed properly they will bring your audience’s attention back to you.

The old-school approach to persuasion put a lot of the emphasis on the final outcome: clinching the deal, closing the sale. Back then, it was a lot more about getting the sale than having a true and lasting relationship with an actual person. The problem with being so closing-oriented is that a persuasive encounter is not a static, one-sided arrangement. The “persuadee” is not some brainless lump who will unquestioningly accept everything you say. They are living, breathing human beings, which means the exchange is two-sided. You have to establish rapport very early on, making a good and lasting first impression, and you have to keep the rapport going.

Many persuaders don’t know how to maintain rapport throughout the entire exchange. They’re good at breaking the ice and helping their audience feel comfortable, but when it comes to “getting down to business,” all of a sudden their demeanor changes. Their light-hearted, jovial manner may turn into intense seriousness as they launch into “the bottom line.” When this transformation takes place, what is the audience supposed to think? The person they were joking around with for the past ten minutes has now completely morphed into someone else. Which one is the real person? 

 Great persuaders don’t focus on their persuasive encounters in terms of initial “kick-off” and final “closing.” They maintain rapport and connection by keeping the exchange emotionally and logically on the same plane. Think of your audience as a friend you will see and do business with again. Do not allow yourself any abrupt mood changes; be flexible and willing to adjust to the many moods and emotions your audience may go through.

This week's article is sure to offend some listeners.  If you're a short man or an overweight woman, the British Medical Journal has bad news for you.  Hey were just the messenger!  Check out their recent study linking hight, body mass, and socio-economic status.  

"Price is what you pay.  Value is what you get."  -Warren Buffett

The Law of Contrast explains how we are affected when we are introduced to two different alternatives or options in succession. We know that contrasting two alternatives can distort or amplify our perceptions of price, time or effort. Generally, if the second item is quite different from the first, we will tend to see them even more differently than they actually are. As a Power Persuader, you can use this contrast to navigate your audience toward the object of your persuasion.

The use of contrast is based on our perception of items or events that happen one right after the other. If you've had a rotten day because you found out you're losing your job and you come home to a new scratch on your car, you will have a different reaction than if you were having a great day because you're getting a promotion and then came home to the scratch on your car. It's the same scratch, but there are very different perceptions and reactions to it.  Contrast is used for negotiations.  When we offer a really low or high bid or when we ask for $200 and only expect $50. This is contrast. What if you thought it was a 60 minute meeting and then it only took 30 minutes.  What if that 15 minute meeting lasted 30 minutes?

This is all about human perception. The human mind has to find a benchmark or comparison to make judgments, especially when we are talking about unfamiliar situations or new products. People need to make comparisons with their past experience and knowledge. The brain will always attempt to contrast your product or service. Is it the best or worst, cheapest or most expensive? Is your product the safe or risky choice or is it familiar or strange? By presenting your prospects with contrast, you are creating those comparisons for them. The mind can't process everything at once and so it develops shortcuts to help make decisions. Instead of making a completely internal judgment, we look for boundaries, patterns, and polar opposites. We want to know the difference between our options, so we naturally contrast the two items. We mentally create a value or price in our mind from highest to lowest. Do you want your prospects to compare your product or service to a second-hand used car or to a Rolls Royce? You get to decide where you want them to start their benchmark.  

Adjusting Value Examples  

Bonuses - 3 bonuses worth $25 each have more value than to get one bonus worth $75

Product – Having all your product arrive in one box has less value than receiving 3 separate shipments.

Retail – Keeping the high prices at a grocery store increases the perception of value and savings when the savings is shown on the receipt

Cars – We feel like we get a better deal on a car when we see the large retail price, and we get a rebate. 

Payments - It is easier to swallow the monthly payments on a large purchase rather than seeing the whole price tag upfront.

Gas – Getting a 10 cent discount when you pay cash is easier to swallow than a 10 cent surcharge for using your credit card.

Payroll – There is higher perceived income when you separate all their benefits on their check versus putting it all in one large sum.

Negotiation – Starting as high or low as possible will get you better terms.

All human beings yearn for direction and guidance. That’s why someone with a vision is so alluring and influential to us.  Charismatics are able to create a strong clear vision of the future.  People will jump on board when they can see that there is a solid vivid vision in place that they can touch, taste, feel, or see.  No one wants to get on a sinking ship.  People want to know: What’s the plan?  Where are we going?  What are we aiming for?  Your goal is to powerfully present how your vision is the solution to their problems. Your vision must bridge the gap between their present situation and their desired situation—where they are, and where they want to be.

Vision is powerful because it keeps us focused on the future objective instead of getting stuck in the current preoccupations of the day.  It gives us focus and purpose for the future.  It creates a big picture.  A cohesive common vision brings people together and unites them toward the same goals and objectives.  Charismatic people have a clearly defined vision and are filled with great enthusiasm and expectation.  Remember more than anything else in life, vision—whether it’s yours or somebody else’s—dictates your daily decisions.  When the vision is clear, the right decisions are easier to make.

A true vision diminishes the fear of failure, negative thinking and promotes synergy.  They want to know what is in for them in the long-term.  Why should they support you and your vision?  How does this affect the whole team?  Your vision builds a bridge from the present status quo to the future objective.

Have you noticed the dramatic changes that have evolved in presentations, communication, and training over the last twenty years? The basic focus used to be on education. Many people are still trying to educate and they always lose their audiences.  Now, the latest research is all about how to grab and keep your audience’s attention, while maintaining charisma.  We can no longer focus simply on educating; we must now entertain and influence.  We must keep our audiences attention.  We must be charismatic.

Charismatic people can maintain and earn the attention of their audience.  We know that people’s attention spans are getting shorter and shorter. You don’t have to dance around or be stand-up comedian, but you do have to make sure your audience follows your message, that your words resonate with them, they pay attention, and they understand your message.  The moment you lose their attention, you can no longer influence them and they definitely can’t feel any charisma.  

You could have a great product or cause, be a sharp dresser, publish a great brochure, or even have impressive credentials.  The reality is, however, that the number-one persuasion tool is you, and a big part of how you present yourself and your charisma is through your ability to communicate.  Long gone are the days of hoping people will listen, making them listen or hoping the topic will compensate for your weaknesses as a presenter.   Practice your presentation so it becomes part of you, instead of a slick PowerPoint or a tired outline.  Manage your fear, anxiety or nervousness, so you can radiate charisma.  

On episode 127 of Maximize Your Influence, Kurt and Steve start by discussing a recent article, the 7 Mental Blocks to Being Rich.  They then transition to part two of their series on qualities of great leaders. 

Intuition is a big part of your future success.  Intuition helps you read and understand people.  It comes in an instant and we have to be ready to act simultaneously.  Some call it a hunch, gut reaction or a feeling.  Intuition is real and can be harnessed to increase your ability to influence and transmit charisma.  Leaders who are able to distinguish between random thoughts and intuition are more successful in life and in business.  Face it, just take a look at CEO’s of large corporations.  They have access to all the logical research they need to make a good, educated decision.  The successful ones will admit that ultimately they have to follow their heart and use personal intuition.  Studies show that the majority of people use intuition, but had a difficult time verbalizing to others why or how it worked. 

As humans, (when we listen) we have the ability to read people from a facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice or even a smell.  This comes from our early programming as humans to be able to meet a person and instantly decide if they are a friend or foe.  Those that have the ability to follow their intuition correctly would be able to sense danger or make a new friend.  We know when we have met someone for the first time that we have categorized them in the first 30 seconds.  We have decided if we like or dislike the person and this comes from our intuition.

I am not saying never to do any research. You should spend some time gathering and analyzing information.  The challenge is that you can gather information for the rest of your life.  At one point you will have to make a decision and it should be from your intuition.  At times you will have to make a quick decision and you should let your intuition guide you.  It is a combination of your feelings, your wisdom and your experience.  This will take a little faith and a little practice.  Learn to stretch yourself.  Don’t limit yourself to the facts or the opinions of other people.  You have to learn to follow your heart and tap into your priceless intuition.

Some of us are afraid to talk about intuition because it is so hard to explain.  Let me tell you that successful people use it every day.  They don’t always openly talk about it, but it is being used.  Intuition is more valuable than you realize.  It is used to enhance our creativity, charisma and increases our ability to connect with others.  Sure, super analytical people tend to shoot down intuition as woo-woo or something that is just a myth, but it is a skill you can learn and master.  Just because you don’t understand how it works, does not mean that it does not work.

Intuition expands our ability to tap into our previous experience, our knowledge and our stored memories.  We might not remember what memories or experience we are drawing on, but it was something we already have learned and it is expressed as a gut feeling.  The main obstacle that impedes us from following our intuition is convincing ourselves that it works and should be taken seriously.  What are you listening for?  How does your intuition talk to you?  It can be called impulse, urge or even that inner voice.  Start listening and you will save yourself a lot of time, energy and money.

Our instincts can evaluate our previous experiences, sense the emotions of the moment and rely on past knowledge.  We are always receiving constant information through our intuition.  We just need to listen.  As you practice using your intuition, new and inspiring ideas will intuitively and instinctively arise on their own.  You will be able to solve problems fast.  Learn to focus and concentrate, this type of focus will nurture and augment your newfound inner strength and instinct.  Sure your logical mind will fight you on these new thoughts and ideas, but eventually your new found intuition will win.

After speculating about good dining in San Francisco and briefly insulting their listeners there, Kurt and Steve discuss a recent article about whether great leaders are born or made.  They then launch into a discussion about the qualities of good leaders. 

People who know where they are going are able captivate, are passionate and are charismatic.  You can tell when you meet them and when they enter a room.  People are drawn to them because deep down people want to be passionate about something and when they see that passion in your eyes, you become more charismatic.  They sense that you can help them and improve their lives.  This does not guarantee everyone will like you, but they will respect you for your conviction and your passion. 

Passion is very contagious.  When you transfer this passion, the people around you start to radiate that passion.  They perform better, if it is at work, it is no longer work.  They become more proactive, more willing to work as a team and become more optimistic.  When you have tapped into this passion you become more determined and it increases your persistence.  It starts to become a burning desire and consumes you and it radiates to others.  A word of caution, just because you are passionate does not mean you can forego learning the skills you need to be successful.  It is a critical piece of the charisma pie, but you still need more pieces of the pie to radiate powerful long-term charisma.

More than anything else, passion recruits the hearts and minds of your audience.  Charismatics radiate heartfelt passion.  When the audience can sense your passion and sincere conviction for your cause, they will emotionally jump on board.  We all love people who are excited and filled with believable passion for their subject.  Passion is critical to influencing others and transmitting charisma.  When you have passion for something, you want to let everyone know about it.  You want to convert as many people to your cause as possible, and when someone disagrees with you, you are not swayed by their opinions or advice. 

One of the aspects of the Law of Association is the use of affiliation. Persuaders want you to affiliate their company with positive images, feelings, and attitudes. Our surroundings and environment trigger feelings and we transfer those feelings to those we are with. For example, one frequently used technique is to take someone to lunch. Food can also generate subconscious triggers (if the food and company are good). The studies show that subjects like people better when they were eating.  Food gives us good feelings and a better attitude.

The idea is to link something positive in the environment with your message. For example, a good game of golf, a weekend at the beach, NFL tickets, or an exotic cruise would all typically build positive associations and feelings in your prospects. Do ever notice after a crushing victory, sweatshirts sporting the university's logo were seen all over the place? People want to be associated with winners. In fact, a study showed that when a university football team won, more students would wear that college's sweatshirts the next week. The bigger the victory, the more college sweatshirts become visible. When you bring positive stimuli into the situation, you will be associated with the pleasant feeling you have created.   

Advertisers and marketers use affiliation to evoke valuable associations in the minds of their prospects. They know that babies and puppy dogs automatically carry great associations of warmth and comfort in the minds of their audience. Consequently, we see tire commercials with babies and car commercials with puppies, even though cars and tires aren't really warm and cuddly. These warm appeals grab our attention and create positive associations in our mind.

One of the most common examples of advertising affiliation occurs with alcohol and cigarette advertisements. How often do you see a lung cancer patient in a cigarette ad? Instead, advertisers in these industries use young vibrant people who are in the prime of their lives. The beer companies want you to associate drinking beer with having fun and attracting the opposite sex. Their ads portray images of men and women having fun, while surrounded by beer. Their message is, "If you aren't drinking, you aren't having fun." On an intellectual level, we all know that these are just advertisements, but the associations they arouse in us stick in our minds and trigger future purchases.

Sponsorship is also used in advertising. Companies and organizations sponsor events that they believe will produce a positive association in the eyes of the public. They hope this positive association will transfer over to their company. The SuperBowl pulls huge sponsorships—companies pay big money to get their name and products associated with the SuperBowl.

Neuroscientists have made significant progress on how the brain processes information.  Our brain can be very bias.  This is especially true in politics.  People will always see the good in their party and find the bad in the other.  During an election a scientist asked questions about their candidate and the candidate from the other side while getting an MRI.  When they were told information about their candidate that caused dissonance, the logical side of their brain would shut down and they could not see the bias.

When participants were asked to view a political debate, it was found that the mere presence of a confederate who cheered for one of the candidates influenced the participant's overall evaluation of that candidate in a positive manner.  Obviously, when receiving information in a social setting, the audience can be skewed to perceive the information the way the group tends to hear it.

Methods of Protecting Mental Alignment

When we feel dissonance, we have to find a way to deal with the psychological tension. When the rubber band stretches, we cannot not live with this internal pressure.  We will instantly try to find a way to relieve this tension and reduce our dissonance. We have an arsenal of coping mechanisms at our disposal to help us return to cognitive balance. When you see your prospect exhibit one of these behaviors (except modify) you have stretched the rubber band too far and they have snapped.  The internal pressure was too much and they went down an easier or different path.  They will find another solution besides you.  The following list outlines different ways people seek to reduce dissonance.    

Denial—To eliminate the dissonance, you deny there is a problem. You do this either by ignoring or demeaning the source of the information. You could attack (usually verbally) the source – making it their fault. This is somebody else’s fault! You are not to blame. 

Reframing—You change your understanding or interpretation of the meaning, or what really happened. This leads you to either adjust your own thinking or devalue the importance of the whole issue, considering it unimportant altogether.

Search—You are determined to find a flaw in the other side's position, to discredit the source, and to seek social validation or evidence for your own viewpoint. You might attempt to convince the source (if available) of his error. You might also try to convince others you did the right thing.

Separation—You separate the beliefs that are in conflict. This compartmentalizes your cognitions, making it easier for you to ignore or even forget the discrepancy. In your mind, what happens in one area of your life (or someone else's) should not affect the other areas of your life.  Everyone else should do it, but it does not apply to me.

Rationalization—You find excuses for why the inconsistency is acceptable. You change your expectations or try to rationalize what happened. You also find reasons to justify your behavior or your beliefs.  You could say this is not a big deal because everyone is doing it.

Modification—You change your existing beliefs to achieve mental alignment. Most of the time this involves admitting you were wrong or off course and will make changes or adjustments to get back into alignment.

How about real life example?  You told your friend about your new year’s resolution.  You are committed to lose weight.  This will be your year and you enlist your friend to help.  Your friend commits to help you and you are off and running.  Fast forward one month and your friend has caught you polishing off a large container of ice cream.  They call you on your commitment and your rubber band stretches. You feel dissonance. How to do you handle this tension?

 

Denial – You are fatter than I am, why ride me – remember the time you did…..

Reframing- What I really meant was I will start my diet after I finish this big project.

Search - I researched exercise on the internet and found exercise actually hurts your knees and your health.

Separation – I meant to diet during summer for the beach.  It is winter now so I have time before I will start.

Rationalization - I had a salad for lunch and a meal replacement drink for breakfast, so I am way below my caloric intake.

Modification - You are right I am going to start right now.  Thanks for saying something.

The Theory of Cognitive Dissonance

Leon Festinger formulated the cognitive dissonance theory at Stanford University. He asserted, "When attitudes or beliefs conflict with our actions, we are uncomfortable and motivated to try to change." Festinger's theory sets the foundation for the Law of Dissonance.

The Law of Dissonance proves that people will naturally act in a manner that is consistent with their cognitions. What is a cognition?  Our cognitions is a mental process that uses thoughts, beliefs, experiences, and past perceptions.  Basically that means when people behave in a manner that is inconsistent with these cognitions, (beliefs, thoughts or values) they find themselves in a state of discomfort. In this uncomfortable state, they will be motivated to adjust their behaviors or beliefs to regain mental and emotional balance. When our beliefs, attitudes, and actions mesh, we feel congruent. When they don't, we feel dissonance at some level—that is, we feel awkward, uncomfortable, upset, or nervous. In order to eliminate or reduce that tension, we will do everything possible to adjust our beliefs or rationalize our behavior, even if it means doing something we don't want to do.   

Imagine that there is a big rubber band inside of you. When dissonance is present, the rubber band begins to stretch. As long as the dissonance exists, the band stretches tighter and tighter. You've got to take action before it reaches a breaking point and snaps. The motivation to reduce the tension is what causes us to change; we will do everything in our power to get back in mental balance. We like to feel a level of consistency in our day to day actions and interactions.  This harmony is the glue that holds everything together and helps us cope with the world and all the decisions we have to make. Dissonance causes us to distort our memories or remember what we want to see or how we wanted it to happen.  This blurs reality and allows us to cover our mistakes. 

The human brain needs to be right. It is hard for us to admit we are wrong.  We are programmed to justify what we are doing is right and avoid taking responsibilities when things go wrong. It is easier for us to find ways to prove ourselves right (even when we are wrong) then to admit why we are wrong.  Even when backed into a corner or shown evidence that proves we are wrong, we tend to not change our reasoning or point of view.  We will find reasons, proof, or social support why what we did was OK. We will start to believe our lies to ourselves, it couldn’t be our fault and we persuade ourselves why we were justified. This allows us to live with our thoughts, manage our day to day activities and allows us sleep at night.  Have you ever proved someone they were wrong?  Have you ever backed them into a corner? What happened?  You made the perfect case, but you never heard from them again. 

We are firm believers that we all have greatness within us. We believe that we each have within ourselves unwritten books, un-started businesses, brilliant ideas, great inventions, charitable ideas, and untapped energies. But sometimes we have a hard time knowing exactly what our purpose is. We may fill many roles—husband or wife, father or mother, school board member, coach, employee, or community advocate. How do we know which roles will give us the greatest joy and satisfaction? First and foremost, most of us would agree that investing in loving and fulfilling relationships with family and friends is most important. It is a critical part of emotional health and well-being. Beyond this fundamental basis, however, what is it that you live for? What is your purpose and passion in life? Where do your interests and gifts and talents lie? What is your mission in life?

Dare to dream big. Have a purpose that will make getting up in the morning a pleasant task. Know that you are going to become what you want and get what you dream. Don't create a lifeless or unexciting purpose. Many people already know exactly what their purpose is. If you don't know, now is the time to find out. Great persuaders have tapped into and are using their purpose. Understand that for many, the self-discovery process is like sculpting. All you see at first is a big rock and you're not sure what masterpiece lies inside. You know something is there, but you don't yet know how you'll get it out.

The Hostile Prospect

This person disagrees with you and may even actively work against you. For a hostile prospect, use these techniques:

Find common beliefs and establish a common ground.

Use appropriate humor to break the ice.

Don't start the presentation with an attack on their position.

You are only trying to persuade on one point; don't talk about anything else that could trigger disagreement.

Because of your differences, they will question your credibility. Increase your credibility with studies from experts or anything that will support your claim.

They will try to find reasons to not like you; don't give them any.

Don't tell them you are going to try to persuade them.

Express that you are looking for a win-win outcome rather than a win-lose situation.

Show them you've done your homework.

Respect their feelings, values, and integrity.

Use logical reasoning as clearly and as carefully as possible.

Use the Law of Connectivity and the Law of Balance.

Have you ever noticed how some people can captivate, inspire, and influence others without effort?  Other people instantly like them and want to be around them. Some individuals can enter a room and everyone notices. They seem always to get what they want because the people around them want to give it to them. How do they command such instant attention and influence everyone they meet?

This is the power of charisma. Charisma is a vital persuasion and life skill that can and must be mastered if you are going to influence others.

People often ask me what is the most important tool or skill in the entire influence toolbox? What is the one thing I can learn to achieve maximum success? The answer is simple. If there were one skill to master out of all the tools of persuasion and influence, it is charisma. It gives you the quickest return on your time and dramatically increases your success and income.

This vital success skill permeates every aspect of your life. Your career, your relationships, your ability to influence, and your income are all related to your ability to radiate charisma. Have you ever wondered why two people with the same education, the same contacts, the same IQ, and the same experience get dramatically different results from their lives? One enjoys massive success while the other one is barely making ends meet. Some call this simple luck, but when you have charisma you are guaranteed to have good luck. Imagine your success in life when you can automatically get others to willingly do what you want them to do, beg to do it, like to do it, and tell all their friends that they should also do it.

Charisma is the ability to empower and persuade others to believe in you, trust in you, and want to be influenced by you. You captivate and motivate them. You help them see themselves in the future carrying out your vision. They are moved and energized by your passion and enthusiasm. They are magnetized and driven by your charisma. They are lifted and inspired by your optimism and expectations. In essence, you’re a source of empowerment, encouragement, and inspiration.

Humor can be a powerful tool to create rapport. Humor makes the persuader seem more friendly and accepting. Humor helps gain attention, helps you create rapport, and makes your message more memorable. It can relieve tension, enhance relationships, and motivate people.  Appropriate use of humor increases trust in your audience.  

Humor can also distract your audience from negative arguments or grab their attention if they are not listening.  Humor diverts attention away from the negative context of a message, thereby interfering with the ability of listeners to carefully scrutinize it or engage in counterarguments. If listeners are laughing at the jokes, they may pay less attention to the content of a message. Humor can "soften up" or disarm listeners.  Humor connects you with your audience and increases their attention to your message.  

Humor must be used cautiously, however. If used inappropriately, it can be offensive and may cause your audience to turn against you. Humor should only be used as a pleasant, but moderate distraction. As a rule of thumb, if you are generally not good at telling jokes, don't attempt it. Be sure that you have good material. Non-funny humor is not only ineffective, but irritating. Modify your humor so that it is appropriate for your audience.  

Another aspect of humor is the smile.  A smile is free, generates a great first impression, and shows happiness, acceptance, and confidence. Your smile shows that you are pleased to be where you are, or happy to meet this person. As a result, they become more interested in meeting you. Smiling also conveys a feeling of acceptance, which makes your listener more trusting of you. It has been shown that sales representatives who smiled during the sales process increased their success rate by 20 percent. However, as with traditional humor, use a smile appropriately.

Social Validation and Marketing

The more a brand is advertised, the more popular and familiar it is perceived to be. We as consumers somehow infer that something is popular simply because it is advertised. When people are buying gifts for others, social proof is one of the most effective techniques that a salesclerk can use."  

Many salespeople find great success in telling clients that a particular product is their "best-selling" or "most popular" on hand because social validation increases their credibility of the product. When customers feel that something is more popular, they spend more money to acquire it, even if there is no proof other than the salesperson's word. So it is with advertising: Asserting that a product is in super-high demand or that it is the most popular or fastest selling, etc., seems to provide proof enough. When consumers perceive a product is popular, that's often all they need to go out and purchase it.

The creation and use of social validation is rampant: Clubs make their spots look like "the place to be" by allowing huge waiting lines to congregate outside their facilities, even when the place is practically empty inside. Salespeople often recount the many other people who have purchased the item in question. That's why referrals are some of your best prospects! Referrals are your greatest source of social validation.  Sales and motivation consultant Cavett Robert said it best: "Since 95 percent of the people are imitators and only 5 percent initiators, people are persuaded more by the actions of others than by any proof we can offer."

Your environment and the expectations of that environment should be persuasive. There is a concept called the Phillip Zimbado’s Broken Window Theory. This theory suggests that a building full of broken windows will cause people to assume that no one cares for the building or its appearance. This in turn will spur more vandalism and more broken windows. In other words, the environment's condition gives suggestions that lead people to hold certain assumptions, and people then act on those assumptions. The broken windows invite greater damage and crime.   Zimbardo did a study illustrating this point.  He left his car out on the street in Palo Alto California.  The first week the car blended in with all the other cars and nothing happened to it.  After the first week he broke one on the windows of the car and left it on the street.  Just by the one broken window he found that it dramatically increases the chances that it would be vandalized.

In his book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell uses an example of the Broken Window Theory as he explains the New York City subway clean-up. The subway system was in dire need of rebuilding—a multibillion-dollar endeavor. With the system about to collapse, the focus was understandably on issues like reducing crime and improving subway reliability. As a consultant hired by the New York Transit Authority, George Kelling urged officials to utilize the Broken Window Theory. They were hired to clean up the subways, they immediately assigned people to start cleaning up all the graffiti. Removing the graffiti seemed to be of such little consequence compared to everything else there was to worry about, but Gunn was insistent. In his own words:

The graffiti was symbolic of the collapse of the system. When you looked at the process of rebuilding the organization and morale, you had to win the battle against graffiti. Without winning that battle, all the management reforms and physical changes just weren't going to happen. We were about to put out new trains that were worth about ten million bucks apiece, and unless we did something to protect them, we knew just what would happen. They would last one day and then they would be vandalized.  The entire anti-graffiti campaign took years, but finally, the incidence of graffiti subsided.

In another study, volunteers were asked to participate in an experiment on prison environments. Half of the volunteers posed as prison workers, while the other half posed as prison inmates. The results were astounding. Previously tested to be psychologically sound people, the participants rapidly became more and more hostile, crude, rebellious, and abusive—both those acting as inmates and as guards! One "prisoner" became so hysterical and emotionally distressed that he had to be released. The study was supposed to last two weeks, but was called off after only six days! 

Touch is another powerful part of body language—important enough to devote a whole section to it alone. Touch can be a very effective psychological technique. Subconsciously, most of us like to be touched; it makes us feel appreciated and builds rapport. It is true, though, that we do need to be aware and careful of a small percentage of the population who dislikes being touched in any way. In most instances, however, touch can help put people at ease and make them more receptive to you and your ideas. Touch increases influence.  When you are able to touch your prospect they usually becomes more agreeable, enhances mood and increases the chances they will agree and do what you are asking.

Touch can create a positive perception. Touch carries with it favorable interpretations of immediacy, similarity, relaxation, and informality. In one research study, librarians did one of two things to university students: either they did not touch the person at all during the exchange or they made light, physical contact by placing a hand over the student's palm. Invariably, those students who were touched during the transaction rated the library service more favorably than those who were not touched at all.  Waiters/waitresses who touched customers on the arm when asking if everything was okay received larger tips and were evaluated more favorably than those waiters who didn't touch their customers. Touch also induces customers to spend more time shopping in stores. In one study, physical contact on the part of salespeople induced customers to buy more and to evaluate the store more favorably.

We know that certain areas of the body can be freely touched while other areas are off limits. Safe areas of contact include the shoulders, forearms and hands, and sometimes the upper back. This all depends on the situation, the culture and relationship between the two parties prior to the touch.

To maintain order of the world, our brains link objects, gestures, and symbols with our feelings, memories, and life experiences. We mentally associate ourselves with such things as sights, sounds, colors, music, and symbols. These associations create quick subconscious triggers.  The feelings you generate can help or hurt your ability to persuade.  

Power Persuaders take advantage of association triggers to evoke positive feelings and thoughts that correspond with the message they are trying to convey. In this sense, you, as a persuader, can actually arouse a certain feeling in your audience by finding the right association key to unlock their door. Associations are not the same for all people—obviously, each person and culture has their own set of triggers. However, once you understand the general rules, you can find the right associations to match any situation. Why do you think restaurants decorate a certain way, have their lighting just right, and play certain types of music? All these things are defined in the Law of Association. 

The Law of Scarcity plays a large role in the persuasion process.  Opportunities are always more valuable and exciting when they are scarce and less available.  We want to be the ones to own the rare items or to get the last widget on the shelf.  The more the scarcity of an item increases, the more the item increases in value, and the greater the urge to own it.

Whenever choice is limited or threatened, the human need to maintain a share of the limited commodity makes us crave it even more.  Scarcity increases the value of any product or service.  Scarcity drives people to action, making us act quickly for fear of missing out on an opportunity.  Potentially losing something before we’ve even had an opportunity to possess it drives people to action.  We don’t want to miss out on anything we could have had.  We want to get around any restriction placed upon us.  We feel uptight and want back our freedom.  This causes tension and unrest.  The Law of Scarcity  not only pertains to physical products, but also to time, information, price, and knowledge.

For this episodes article, Kurt and Steve discuss the top techniques of hostage negotiators.  Admit it, you're thinking of the movie "The Negotiator" all of the sudden.  Now that we got that out of the way, we can actually talk about negotiation.  While hostage negotiation can seem intimidating and have very high stakes, there are some critical lessons that we can learn that can apply to even the most seemingly mundane of everyday business interactions.

Based on listener questions that have been coming in, it's time for a rapport tune up!  As Kurt likes to say, a lot of times closing skills are like trying to get a kiss after a bad date.  All the slick one liners in the world won't matter if you haven't developed decent rapport.  On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss rapports basic components that are sure to make you a rapport building machine!

The better you become at handling objections, the more persuasive you will be. The key to great persuasion is anticipating all objections, problems, or concerns before you hear them. Great persuaders are always able to accomplish three critical objectives during the objection process:

1. They can distinguish between a real objection and a knee-jerk reaction. Our studies show that most objections should not be taken at face value, because there are other issues involved.

2. They listen intently to the entire objection before attempting to solve it. They stay calm. Tests have proven that calmly stated facts are more effective in getting people to change their minds than becoming emotional.

3. Great persuaders are never arrogant or condescending. They give their audience room to save face. People will often change their minds and agree with you later, if they have the room to do so.

Another great way to handle objections is to address each of the seven main areas during your presentation, before they become big issues in the mind of your audience. That way, you've stopped any potential resistance before it happens. As a result, there aren't any main objections left for them to bring up. Studies demonstrate that persuaders were four times more successful when they handled objections during the persuasion process, instead of waiting until the end.⁶ Also, nothing de-energizes persuasive efforts more than lingering doubts and concerns that remain unresolved in your audience's mind.